It's On My Desk

how to

2011-05-03T09:27:00.001-04:00

Kael 23/08/09

2009-08-23T20:07:00.001-04:00

“Hands up where we can see them.” A voice barked at her and Jessie squinted at the man in the morning light.
“Easy, I don’t have any weapons,” she slowly rose to a crouch and stood, the arrows pulled back on taught bows followed her progress.
“You’re alone? A woman?” Another sneered even as he started pulling her bag apart.
“Hey, be careful with that! It’s everything I own!” Where was Kael? Had he abandoned her? “I am a soldier in the Lord Imperator’s army!” Jessie snapped glaring at the men.
The weapons menacing her suddenly lowered. “Lord Imperator? You are not one of the invader’s scouts?”
“What? No! I’m trying to find survivors… I was… injured in the last skirmish with the False Lord and have just recently made it back to find the city in ruins.”
The leader, or the speaker as far as she could tell, stared into her eyes, his black eyes assessing, even as the men circling her looked away, anguish written plainly across their faces. “There are survivors. We will take you with us. Do not be mistaken, you are still under guard, until you prove yourself or someone can vouch for you.”
Jessie nodded and grabbed hold of it as one of the men tossed her bag to her.
“Let’s move, our shift is almost over.” The leader ordered and the swordsmen fell in formation around her and archers’ faded into the woods.
As they started their march, Jessie caught a flicker of gold at the corner of her eye. Her heart eased and she let out a breath. At least he hadn’t abandoned her yet.

Kael 22/08/09

2009-08-22T01:26:00.001-04:00

“Tomorrow we will search on foot. We will be able to see more from below.”

Jessie finally turned to him, from where she had been poking at the embers of their fire. “You hate walking.” Her voice was hollow.

Kael snorted, “I do not hate it, I find it slow and inefficient. However in this case it will be the best way to track the survivors. We will be able to see more.” He repeated, his tail flicking in annoyance.

“Blessed Gods, there will not be anyone I know in that group in all likelihood.” Jessie flopped down on her back, staring at the stars through the tree covered canopy.

“The odds are against you.” Kael agreed, shifting, a grimace on his face. “I believe I will go sleep in that tree. The ground does not agree with me.” Lithely standing, Kael paced over to a large tree and climbed up it’s length and perched on a high branch.

“You’d think you were a cat… or a bird with the way you cling to your branches.”

Kael flashed his fangs and made himself comfortable. “We will go at first light. You are a soldier you should be able to defend yourself should anything stumble across you in the night. And I am a short fall away.”

Jessie stared up into Kael’s glowing amber eyes and before she realized it sleep had enfolded her in it’s arms.

Jessie cried out as something hard kicked her in her side, awakening. What she saw was a ring of men standing around her, bows and swords drawn and at the ready.

“Well, Hells.”

Kael 17/08/09 *Reposted

2009-08-17T22:55:00.002-04:00

“Do you think… that anyone survived this?” Kael landed on the parapet of the Church of the Gods and set Jessie down.
Scanning the remains, he flicked his tongue out and grimaced at the assault to his senses. “Most likely. They would have evacuated or run. Not everyone fights to the last. The children…” He squinted at the body pile below them. “The invaders may have taken on slaves, to carry the loot. He paced along the narrow ledge, examining the walls, the wounds on the dead and destruction of the whole city. “Whoever did this… has access to things that I thought were long lost to your kind.”
“All those books… those cars and… bombs… you mean?” Jessie reached out and clutched his arm. Staring at him, no longer able to look at all the death. She was a soldier, yes, but there were sights that scarred you in an instant.
“And the like. Come,” Kael turned, wrapping her in his arms and lifting her all in one smooth motion. “Let us see if we can locate survivors.”
Neither of them mentioned Jack. The silence between them said enough.
He bounded off and glided over the city. “We will not follow the roads. Most likely the survivors would have fled to the fields, where they can seek cover. On the road they would be cut down.”
Jessie nodded, staring forward and down.
Bodies lay scattered at the city’s gates for what seemed like miles to her. Clearly some had thought the road the best escape route, and like Kael said, had been slain on the spot. The bodies tapered off and Kael veered off and began to circle.
Jessie tried, but all her eyes saw were the thick woods beyond the fields that encircle the city.
“There.” Kael shifted his grip and brought them to lower to the ground. “You can see where the fields have been disturbed.” Nostrils flared and tongue flicked. “There is the faint taste of blood, but not much. A group fled this way. A few beats and they shot above the field and forest.
“You can see-“
“Child, I have the eyes of a hawk.”
Jessie fell silent, her eyes scanning the forest floor and much as she was able as they winged above the trees.
Kael took a moment to look at the human in his arms. Her face was paler than usual, her lips bloodless and tight. Jessie’s eyes flashed white like a spooked horse. He noticed that the hand around his shoulders was petting him in tense motions.
Returning his eyes to the forest he murmured. “That was not a recent battle. The survivors have had many days to travel and seek safety. By the decay of the bodies, the carrion eaters and still burning houses… Most like it was two weeks ago.”
Jessie’s fingers dug into his shoulder, saying nothing.
“It will soon be dark, and though my eyes are keen and night does not bother me, I rather we both rest and set out with clearer heads.” He nodded towards a clearing. “We will set down there for the night. Perhaps you will come up with ideas where you think the survivors may have fled.”
One tight, controlled nod in reply.

Kael 16/08/09

2009-08-16T19:46:00.000-04:00

“No wonder you don’t go out often.” Jessie clung to Kael’s back as he scaled the rock wall.
“Usually I do not have a human hanging on my back like a monkey nattering in my ear!”
“What’s a monkey?”
Hissing, Kael decided to ignore her, human’s had lost much and he felt no need to return it to them. Despite the climb he was not weary or out of breath, having scaled it countless times. His claws had carved out hand halls from his frequent excursions. If not for Jessie, he would be bounding up the wall as cat would a tree.
“I think Jack is going to adore you. He’s a scholar you know. Always shuffling through papers or bending over dusty tomes.”
“I have no intention of meeting you ‘Jack’, nor another human, it was a moment of madness I took you at all.” His hand landed flat on the cave floor above. Smoothly he lifted his and Jessie’s weight to the stone floor. “We are here.”
“Oh my blessed Gods! I didn’t think I’d ever have firm ground beneath me again.” She heard a snort as Kael shrugged her off.
“Come, it is dawn and if you wish to reach your city before dark you need to stop rolling around like a pig in mud.”
“Hey!” She scrambled up and followed the sound of his voice and the glow of his eyes as he led her out of what she had started to think of as her home.
Despite his growls and snarls, she no longer thought Kael was a demon. Not human clearly, but he was not evil. She wondered if they could be considered friends. She frowned and skipped a few steps to keep pace with his long strides. He had shown her things that she thought were legend and spoken of peoples and places that she could not wrap her mind around. Even Jack, for all his learning could not scratch the surface of the knowledge within Kael’s mind.
And he hid in the depths of the earth, hording it all. She did not resent him. She was beginning to understand something of her own race’s history and knew from her own reaction to him that he would not be accepted with open arms. Most likely, instead, with sword and cannon.
“I brought the large cape with me. And if it’s dark no one will know –“ Jessie gasped as suddenly light stroked across her eyes. Squinting she saw it was the cave mouth. “Oh Gods! Finally!” She ran past him, with a slight limp. “To feel the wind on my skin and hear the birds, you have no idea Kael-“ Jessie called back to him.
“It loses a little something over time, child.” He finally reached her and stood at her side, his wings unfolding and flexing as a breeze skimmed over them. “What is this about a cloak?”
Jessie turn to face him straight on. Squaring her shoulders. “I know you don’t like humans, but I think it’s because you don’t know us so well. I want to show you how we are now. Instead of just the ones in your books.” Jessie fought not to step back or look away from his direct gaze. His eyes seemed to burn into her.
“It is not just books, human.” Nostrils flaring, he was the first to turn away. “But I will accompany you. If I do not you will manage to break both legs.”
He stooped down and scooped her into his arms.
“Hey I was thinking of walkin-“
Her words cut off in a scream as he jumped and his wings beat the air, lifting them easily.
“This will be faster, stop your shrieking.”
Jessie buried her head in his chest, refusing to look down. “Tell me when we get there.”

It felt like hours before his voice rumbled beneath her ear, waking her.
“Jessie…”
She blinked, smelling smoke, her mind suddenly wide awake. He never called her by her name. She looked up at him.
“I believe… that you will not be going home today.”
“What-?” Jessie turned her head and looked down.
A city burned beneath her. The streets were red. The walls were in ruins and the buildings burning. Jessie knew, just looking that there were no survivors.
“The False Lord-“ Her voice choked in rage.
“No,” Kael’s voice was considering as he tilted his wings to make another loop around the fallen city. “This is not his work. Your two lords know better than to destroy the inhabitants of a whole city and the city along with them. This is someone new.” Another wing beat brought them lower and suddenly Jessie could smell the smell of decay. Her eyes widened, even as her stomach lurched when she saw the piles of bodies in the cities centre.
“There are too few humans, let alone cities to make this destruction worthwhile.”
“What do you mean?”
“It means child… that you have a new enemy. One that makes your False Lord seem a kitten.”

Kael 14/08/09

2009-08-14T23:41:00.001-04:00

“Are you going to keep me here forever? It’s already been a fortnight.” Jessie paced the room, glaring at Kael’s back. She found herself staring, caught by the graceful arch of wings, the lazy sway of his tail and the unconscious strength and dexterity of his position. He perched on the tip of a stalagmite.

He ignored her.

“You could at least look at me when I am talking to you!”

“If I did that I would never get any work done.”

Jessie let out a huff, gave him her back and plucked a text from a shelf. Thumbing through the pages she paused on the sight of a strange contraption and the unnaturally straight lines of what looked to be a map beside it. “Well, I still want out, I am going crazy! And what is this!” She jabbed the book in front of his face.

“That, little human, is a car. A method of transportation you humans once used. The drawing beside it are a set of blue prints on an engine. An engine, you can close your mouth, is what powers the car. Much as your heart pumps blood through your veins and allows your mouth to keep chattering on.” He pushed the book aside and went back to writing.

“Oh, so we once had these cars? What happened?”

“Humanity happened. You went to war, and destroyed your world. And you are still warring. And you will not stop bothering me until we go to the surface, will you?”

Heat rose to her cheeks, “I don’t want you to think me ungrateful! You saved my life, you have opened a whole new world to me and you haven’t eaten me… yet. But I need the sun, I don’t even know that it has been a fortnight. And your healing has made me nearly as before! See I just use this crutch now!”

Golden eyes skimmed over her and she heard him let out a puff of air, even as he closed the book, she knew she had won.

“Very well, gather your things. It’s time I hunted again.”

Squealing in glee, Jessie flung herself in his arms, toppling Kael into a pile of books with her on top.

“Oh my!” scrambling back, she quickly began gathering and stacking the books strewn across the cave floor. “I’m so sorry! Please don’t change your mind, I’ll have this room set to writes real quick.”

Flicking his tail, Kael stood, gathering his work and putting it safely out of harm’s way.

Kael Cont'd 12/08/09

2009-08-12T20:09:00.001-04:00

Kael stared at the unconscious girl and sighed. What had motivated him to act? He picked up a lock of her brown hair, twisting it around one talon. He cleared more space on the table and stretched her out across it. Shifting books and papers he found a dusty faded coat which he rolled up and placed under her head.

He did not use a bed to sleep, nor did he have much use for cloth coverings. His claws tapped a dance on the table top as his thoughts skimmed over the contents of his home. Cook pot, stools, tables, shelves, pool and well. Candles and books, books that contained the history of the world. At least his view of the history. He was always very sure of putting in that caveat at the start of the texts. Only a fool thought that could see it all. His claws started scratching out circles.

There should be another cloak. He had used it to travel among the humans?

Ah, he walked over to a towering bookshelf and nimbly climbed it over a two dozen shelves passed before he reached the top and the box that was stored there.

Picking it up, he leapt off the shelf, careful not to disturb the books and landed in a crouch in the empty center of the room.

Digging through the box he found the voluminous and faded cloak, he snapped it open and covered the female with it. The box did not just contain a cloak, it also contained an assortment of potions he had experimented with. They were the successes. He clicked through the vials and finally withdrew one that gleamed red.

The viscous liquid within promised to dull pain, fight infection and speed healing.

Nothing like the present to test out if it worked as claimed.

He went back to the woman, tilted her head back, popped her mouth open and slowly poured the fluid into her mouth, while gently massaging her throat, causing her to swallow.

Once the vial was empty he placed it into a drawer in a nearby cabinet, perched on it?s desk, picked up some papers and set himself to recording the past few days as he waited for the human to awaken again.

My Fiction: Kael the Drake Part 1

2009-07-25T23:13:00.003-04:00

He bounded up the tree, thick curved claws catching on flaking bark. His body swerved and swung, dodging branches and his tail brushed along their lengths. Kael reached the peak and twisted his body around the slender and swaying truck. Solid amber eyes focused towards the sunrise, a dark fire seeming to flicker in their depths. The sun’s rays stroked over Kael’s dark scaled flesh bringing flickering gold and red edges to light.

In the horizon an army marched, a rippling shadow that shook the earth and Kael could feel trembling up the redwood’s body.

Kael swiveled his head to other side of the field. Banners snapped in the morning wind and another army stood waiting on the hill rise. They held on to their one advantage of a fortified high ground.

The drake impatiently flicked his tail as he watched the approaching army. Always fighting, years turned to decades and decades to centuries. No one ever won. This war would bring about the end of the world. Or maybe it already had.

Kael’s tongue darted out, tasting the wind and he shivered at the taste of blood and death. Soon.

Once the armies had marched with great weapons of war, machines with cannons on their backs that shook and scarred the earth they had tread, even the infantry had carried cannons and weapons that could cut men to pieces from miles away.

Now they beat each other with spear, sword and club. Kael looked at the shattered remnants that had once been the moon drift in the sky.

The human’s had forgotten. Forgotten so much. It seemed to Kael that he was the only one the remembered. But even was not sure what was memory and was dream. Things blurred together and little mattered now aside from a bloody meal and fresh water.

The sun fully broke over the horizon and the marching army roared and charged as the defenders tried to keep the glare of the sun from their eyes as they beat their weapons on the ground and against their shields.

The drake settled himself more firmly atop the redwood and began his watch. It was his duty, to watch and remember.

The battle was over. The defenders holding on by their ripped up and bloody nail-less hands as the limping invaders limped off, the few that had survived the catapults hurling the flaming balls filled with jagged rocks and broken metal.

The defenders hid within their walls, not even leaving it to finish off and loot the invaders. Soon Kael knew, they would march off and leave their walled hill, to regroup with another army and attempt to hold off the next volley of attacks.

Kael waited for nightfall, for no human ventured alone at night, to go and claim his meal.

The drake paced to the end of the branch and leapt. His wings snapped open catching the rising air as he skimmed through the forest. A few wing beats soon took him over the trees and into the field, the smell of blood and death perfumed the air and he circled before alighting on the body of dead horse. Kael stood on two legs, picking his way through the bodies of the fallen of Lord Imperator’s men.

A soft sound made him turn back to the fallen horse. A movement. He leapt over it’s body and saw a human lying beneath it’s weight. Eyes showing white stared up at Kael.

“Wah-what are you?” The human gasped, feebly trying to drag her body from beneath the bulk of the horse’s corpse.

Kael took a look at the blood matted hair of the horse and grabbed it by it’s neck, claws sank easily into the cooling flesh. He inhaled, perhaps the horse would make a better meal than a human, they seemed much rarer anyway. He tossed the horse aside, it’s weight as if nothing as it arced a distance in the air before landing with a weighted and wet thump a distance away.

The human’s eyes had tracked the horse’s flight and now shot back to Kael. “D-d-d-demon!”

Kael let out a hiss of amusement and crouched beside the trembling female and ran his hands along the length of her legs, down her arms, sides and neck. One leg broken, cracked ribs, but surprising not much as was wrong. The human had stilled beneath his clawed hands.

“Are..” she gasped as his hand traced her ribs, “are you going to eat me?”

Kael cocked his head to the side, thinking. What was he doing? He was meant to watch, but even that task seemed a dead withered thing. “No,” he sighed, “I think I am going to keep you instead.”

“Keep?” her eyes widened, seeming to swallow her face.

Ignoring her, the drake picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder, and continued to ignore her cries as he walked up to where the horse lay. He bent slight and grabbed the horse by it’s skull and dragged it behind him as he left the battlefield.

Jessie groaned as the creature jostled her as he set her down in the cave. It continued to drag the body of her horse deeper into the cave. Just hours before she was giving her life for her Lord and the next she seemed to have become a meal for this demon creature.

She pushed herself up on her arms and started dragging herself for the cave mouth.

Dirt and stone worked it’s way into her cuts. Biting her lip she kept going, hoping that whatever the creature wanted to do with horse would keep him occupied long enough that she could make it out of the cave and hide somewhere.

The light of the moon finally reached her, as she gasped for air, her ribs sending waves of agony coursing through her sides.

A clawed foot appeared in the corner of her vision and Jessie didn’t have time to cry out as the creature picked her up once again and carried her back with far too few strides. It sat her against the wall and crouched in front of her. She stared into fiery eyes. It’s lips drew back revealing sharp teeth, “Cause me too much problems and I will eat you.”

“What do you want with me?” Jessie flinched back, ignoring the pain in her leg. “Are you a servant of the False Lord?”

Kael’s eyes widened and he let out a coughing bark. “Servant, child I do not associate with either party. Both are fools and war over something that neither can recall.” Kael grabbed her by her ankle of her broken leg and jerked her forward.

Jessie shrieked, writhing under the pain.

“Cease!” he hissed, gripping her leg tightly, he slowly began to pull until he felt the broken bone align. Reaching behind his he drew two wooden slates and used them to brace her leg as he bound it.

The girl stared, “You do seem to treat your food well.”

Kael’s eyes flicked up at her and then stood, lifting her in the same motion.

“I am not a babe! I can walk-“

Kael snorted. “You did not walk your way out, clearly by your words you are a babe, to be hauled around.”

Soon they walked in darkness, the drake did not stumble, each step was sure and oddly silent. Jessie thought that those wickedly curved claws would scrape the cave floor.

She looked to where his head was and gasped, twin amber eyes stared back at her.

Glowing, and not reflecting light, for there was none, but glowing as if two flames were lit in his skull. Jessie looked away into darkness but was unable to ignore how the creature’s eyes lit the walls with its light.

“Ah here we are.” Suddenly the floor disappeared and they were falling. Jessie screamed, her hair flying into her face and her arms wrapped around the creature’s neck. Then with a snap their descent slowed and they touched the ground.

“Open your eyes, human.”

Cracking an open, Jessie gasped again, the chamber was lit in a pale green glow. The very rocks lit up the room. Jessie saw stacks of books, on shelves, floors and tables. The body of her horse rested in a far corner. The creature set her on a clear table.

“Stay there or I will eat you.” Kael did not look at her, instead made his way to the horse and dragged it into another chamber, where Jessie soon hear the sound of flesh being cut and bone being cracked.

***

She wrapped an arm around her ribs and studied her surroundings. She had expected piles of bones and grinning skulls, the rank smell of death and decay. Instead she was surrounded by a veritable library that probably could challenge the Lord Imperator’s own. Why had he spared her? It seemed that he would not eat her, after all he had her horse and that had a lot more flesh on it than her own spare and worn frame did.

“Maybe it’s lonely,” she murmured and leaned back on one arm, wishing that she could explore the libraries more thoroughly. Her friend and mentor Jack would have loved this place. He was a scholar, closeting himself away with books while she ran about playing with sticks pretending they were swords.

Maybe she should have done as he. Grimacing she shifted, if she had she would not have had to watch her comrades all fall around her and hear the cries every time she closed her eyes.

Tears burst from her eyes, leaving clear trails on her dirty face.
A snort caused her eyes to snap open and she abruptly found herself eye to eye with the creature. Gasping she flinched back. The amber eyes seemed to laugh at her reaction and then his hand was in front of her face.

“Eat this.” The clawed hand opened and the dried meat and a mix of herbs landed in her lap.

“What is this?” She picked it up and sniffed at them.

“Garnishes, I can’t stand a flavorless meal.”

Jessie looked at him but he had already turned, picking up a book and hopping on a stool, perching like some great bird of prey. He reached to the side, picking up a quill pen as he opened the volume and then started quickly scratching something into it.

Deciding it was better not to poke at a growling bear, Jessie started chewing on the food he had given her. The dried meat filled her stomach even as the herbs seemed to make the pain drift further and further away, even as her mind seemed to fly away in the opposite direction. “You drugged me” Jessie slurred as she slumped back on the table.

“I needed some way to shut you up.

It's All in Your Head

2009-04-20T04:05:00.003-04:00

I recently read an article about scientific myths and the number one on the list was placebos.

Ever since first hearing about placebos in science class I have been intrigued by them.

In this article it talks about how the mind actually alters your bodies biochemistry.

What they did was:

1)induce pain in subjects

2)supply morphine

Then they later:

3)induced pain

4) supplied a saline solution (ie sugar/salt water)

They found that the subjects reacted as if they had been given morphine.

They then:

5)induced pain

6)supplied solution which contained a drug that BLOCKED the affects of morphine.

They found that subjects continued to feel pain.

They concluded that the mind/brain was actually affecting the biochemistry of the body. Afterall you can find biochemicals within the body which are same/similar to morphine (I forget what they are called... opioids that are something else... I'll maybe look it up later).

Other studies have shown that the placebo effect can decrease the size of tumors, reduced stiffness in parkinsons, cure depression and a vast array of other affects.

Cool, no?

For more details click here to read the article.

Something...

2009-04-20T03:28:00.002-04:00

There was something I wanted to talk about but at this moment in time I can't figure out what it was.

So instead while the back of my brain mulls over what it was I will talk about my morning.

This morning I was dreaming.

I was dreaming about how I had to get home and that I was flying to Canada and somehow this transported me to Canada from Helsinki, via like a 5minute flight.

I then realized that I had to eat a banana and get my brother to give me some book.

Yes, I know weird, convuluted.

So I am eating my banana when my brother comes into the room and then I had the same brain freeze as I am having this post where I can't figure out what I have to say. So I offer him a mango.

He then hits me in the arm.

It doesn't hurt.

I wake up as I realize in my dream that punches like that usually bruise me and that since it didn't that I must be having a dream.

Then I woke up thinking I had overslept. Panicked and looked at my cell for the time and realized I had awoken about 30 seconds before my annoying alarm of doom sounded to snap me out of my dream.

I then rushed through the morning rituals, made a salad grabbed a pile of fruit and got out the door.

Upon arriving at work I found that I was the first one there and therefore locked out. I waited 20minutes before someone with a key arrived.

I am still clocking in at 8 though!

Head & Wall: Update

2009-04-20T01:31:00.002-04:00

Yay, I have chosen a theme for Head & Wall.

www.headandwall.com

However one little problem, it has this annoying QUENCHMAG thing written in the header where it should say Head and Wall.

And if my techyfriends can't tell me how to fix that I will have to find a new theme :(

Yes, sad since this is the best one if have found so far for my purposes!

Good Little Girl Syndrome

2009-04-17T07:21:00.003-04:00

A female co-worker of mine described some girls as having "Good little girl syndrome" which is tagged onto women that want to please others and are "nice".

I found that distinctly insulting on behalf of the women who are nice.

She went onto say that women like that won't be successful at work and get trampled on. That they are socially trained to behave in a manner that isn't truly female. I admit this is partially true but my belief that has to do with unconfident women that feel they need to be submissive.

I thought the term (it was in Finnish) was... let's say wrong.

It is generally not used outside of Feminist discourse. And feminism is strong in Finland.

There is nothing wrong with a woman in power.

But I think Finns might be taking it a bit far (or at least the older generation and some of mine).

They see the "feminine" as weak. Nurturing, caring, and other characteristics.

I think that these characteristics generally occure naturally in women (hormones, genes etc). I believe it is both a strength and weakness.

We exist in dualities. There is male and female, black and white, love and hated, etc etc.

Neither is better or worse than the other.

I think it is truly sad that there are women out there that do not glory in being female.

There is strength in being Female, it is not always the same as Male but both can be used to get ahead in life.

Work life is highlighted in Finland as being incredibly important, and that Feminine characteristics do not let you get ahead in that field, ergo belittling them.

However I believe a truly confident woman, who has embraced her duality can be successful as well.

And also thinking on this, will that woman be truly happy suppressing her feminine side and bringing the masculine side to the fore even though it makes her successful business?

I don't know...

What do you think?

Change

2009-04-17T04:26:00.004-04:00

A friend of mine asked how do you get a person with negative thoughts to change how they think.

I told him that they have to be a) willing to change or b) brainwashed.

I'm more for the willing to change aspect than the forceful brainwashing. Brainwashing is easy to do on most people, however if they have a strongly defined sense of Self than most likely regular and even some advanced brainwashing techniques won't work.

I think however if you approach the matter the right way you can get a negative person to at least try thinking in a more positive manner.

A simple exercise can be done to show them how. Have them keep a journal of their thoughts and experiences.

Then have them go back with a marker and highlight all the negative word choices and phrases. Then have them rewrite whatever possible in a more positive light.

That's one way, there are others. But thats a basic psychological technique used to treat people with depression and other psychological issues.

Also being positive relieves stress, generally keeps you healthier and happier as well.

Update: H&W

2009-04-17T01:09:00.001-04:00

Okay so I don't have a theme selected yet... but there are so many!

I will start blogging if not during then right after the weekend when I have a full day to play with it.

As for now I will continue to blog here until I have H&W prettied up.

Tim Hortons - So Not Needed

2009-04-16T06:54:00.003-04:00

It was commented earlier that Finland couldn't possibly be anything like Canada since it does not have Tim Hortons.

I disagree.

Though Finland lacks Timmy's, Finland does not lack in coffee culture. Actually I think Finland surpasses Canada.

You know how in the UK they say its Tea time? Well in Finland it's coffee time.

Finns generally have coffee at breakfast, than at around the brunch our, then again at lunch, then between lunch and supper and finally as an evening desert.

Those are by the way the "official" times that Finns indulge in their seemingly favorite beverage.

It is not easy to find a Finn that does not drink coffee (I don't, but I haven't lived in Finland all my life)

And though finland does not have TimBits, Finland has munks (munkkies) which I think are just better than timbits, so much more flavor and healthier (not by much but they are!) And a variety of other pastries, breads and other baked goods Canada rarely gets a chance to even see in a photo.

Frankly I think Finns should just hook themselves up to an IV full of caffeine. Also I believe I've heard it that Finnish coffee is stronger than it's Canadian counterpart... not sure, since I don't drink.

But at every corner in Finland you will find a Kahvila (coffee place) oh and an ice cream parlour/stand. Finns love ice cream and they eat it all year round. While in Canada it feels more of a Spring/Summer treat, though maybe that is just me.

Lastly, almost all Finns speak English these days, and I know some people there who have been here over a decade, don't know a word of Finnish but still get along just fine. So don't let your inability to speak Finnish stop you from coming to visit this higly caffeinated country.

Also Timmy's could make it big in Finland... if they changed their coffee and products to suit Finnish tastes.

Seeing the Negative

2009-04-16T03:25:00.002-04:00

Ever met one of those people that always see the negative in everything?

A former co-worker would always find something negative. For example it was a cloudy day, "It's dark and depressing out there" When the sky was blue, sun shining and the birds singing, she'd say "I hate this time of year, it's too bright!"

I think in the two months I knew her she did not say a single positive thing about anything.

For myself I can't get how a mind can stay so negative all the time and function. It was depressing just talking to her, I don't know why anyone would want to be in that state of mind.

And seriously it is a choice. A person can choose whether or not to have positive or negative thoughts. One of the treatments for depression IS changing cognitive thought patterns. And that method is much more effective in the long term than any drugs.

If I start thinking negatively, start hearing those "woe is me", "buts..." "I hate" thoughts in my head and change it around to the positive.

It just take a little effort until your mind catches on and starts doing it automatically.

Head and Wall

2009-04-16T02:01:00.002-04:00

There will be less posts on this blog now that I have my site. But until I have it fully set up I will continue to post and eventually transfer posts onto www.headandwall.com

Fellow Blogger and friend Dorian has offered his computer expertise in helping me figure out how to navigate my wordpress site.

First up for me to do is decide on what Theme (how the site will look and be navigated).

Anyone know any good free wordpress theme websites?

I am so excited, it will be fun having my own site and posting what I want in a more organized fashion.

No more scrolling! Just point click open page and read.

I will have to see if I can get a theme that resembles a newspaper where there will be snippets of information so you can decide whether or not to go to the new posting or not!

Head and Wall is UP

2009-04-16T01:48:00.002-04:00

I have now had Head and Wall registered.

It needs a lot of work but at least it is up!

http://www.headandwall.com/?p=3

My New Site Name... I think

2009-04-15T07:51:00.002-04:00

Head and Wall

It hasn't been registered or anything yet but I am liking it.

Often I feel as if I am hitting my head against a brickwall from coming up with ideas, talking to people or more positively bouncing off ideas off of a wall.

Well generally in that sense I use people as sounding boards, but that's a wall too!

Pliers + Teeth = Frustration

2009-04-15T04:06:00.003-04:00

I have to say I am missing Canada.

It's really the lack of noise and openess.

Finns don't talk unless they have been drinking. The Finns that do talk are generally from the Karjala region (my mom's mom is, so now I know why she talks so much) And a couple other areas outside of Helsinki.

Finns don't know what to do with small talk. It can make them uncomfortable. There are even some Finns that do not volunteer any information about themselves unless asked a direct question.

And I mean direct, and then they answer the question with no more or less than is absolutely required. They don't volunteer, nor do they reciprocate in asking questions back at you.

Of course the person asking the questions ends up feeling uncomfortable, because really do you want to pry so much for information? It is like pulling teeth. The person does not want to give any information why waste energy on them?

The situation is different when they have been drinking, then it's difficult to shut them up and tone them down.

Of course not all Finns are an absolute struggle, as I said it depends on region and also their background.

If the Finn has travelled, has an outgoing partner, is from a more chatty region...

But I myself don't like tearing out teeth from a clenched jaw that makes me do all the work.

How can you learn anything about a person if you have to ask the questions and they supply nothing but a direct answer?

Of course this is handy at times when looking for direct information, but it is a pain when you want to get to know someone!

I have to add that I have met a lot of nice Finns that once I've cracked their shells turn into fun and talkative people, though still a bit more quiet than the average Canadian.

Slowly I will alter Finnish culture into accepting small talk as the norm!

Coincidences

2009-04-15T01:35:00.003-04:00

I was sitting in the car thinking about how I wished I had seen a reindeer while I was in Ruka.

Suddenly, the car slows down from 120km/h to about 60km/h. I sit up and look out the window. And there standing by the side of the road staring at the car is a reindeer.

How often does something you think about come to pass?

Is it simply that we are more likely to notice because we were thinking about it? Like the confirmation bias? Was it simple coincidence? Or are we pulling strings that most of us aren't aware of, turning our thoughts into hard reality?

On a side note; Dorian what do endomorphins have to do with you using Twitter-like programs? Did you mean endorphins?

Twitter

2009-04-14T06:49:00.002-04:00

My brother told me that I should start using Twitter.

I told him that he was crazy. No way am I going to let the net the rule my life like that. That and I don't follow it myself and since I don't I doubt people like me would :P

Twitter... twits... that's all I say on that.

Now blogging I enjoy, I get to write as much or as little as I want and I don't annoy people with constant... *tweets*? I don't know what they are called but I think that's it.

I mean come on do you need people to know what you are doing every minute of every day? How much can you get done when you are constantly updating your twitter like some people do?

I actually set this blog to post at later points in the day when I'm in the mood.

I am all for writing and expressing yourself but even for me Twitter seems a little much.

In a Haze

2009-04-14T03:57:00.002-04:00

I'm sitting at my desk, trying to work but it's as if the world is a cottonball.

Everything is hazy and soft. From my keyboard to my focus.

It's like my mind is mirroring the weather. Foggy and chill. Everything is hard to move, from my fingers to my thoughts.

I am slowly slogging away at work, and now I am writing this in an attempt to wake my mind up a little bit so that I can get my work done more efficiently.

So far it isn't working. I can feel my eyelids weighing down and my thoughts clouding over even as I write this...

Guess I will go back to struggling at work...

Cold Wake ups

2009-04-14T01:58:00.004-04:00

I hate, absolutely hate waking up to the cold.

I love going to sleep in a cold room, bundled in a down blanket. But to wake up to a cold room in torture.

This morning I woke up and barely persuaded myself to get up and go to work. The cold made me shiver and raised some goosebumps. An ancient remnant of when we had fur and goosebumps were affective for something.

So wrapped in my blanket I quickly dressed and stumbled my way to the kitchen, which was warmer. Made tea, gulped it down and then tossed my blanket back into my room before leaving the house.

The air was damp, drizzling and chill. Oh, how I want to go back to bed right now!

On the plus side I am getting a hair cut today and it should be +13 today in Helsinki.

Cross you fingers.

Back to Reality

2009-04-14T01:55:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm back from Ruka, Finland which is about an hour south of Lapland. I saw reindeer.

And snow, lots of snow. I am bruised and my muscles ache. But I had fun.

I will be doing short posts today since I have to catch up.

I am also stuffed with food and cranky from lack of sleep.

SLEEP

Muscles, they scream

2009-04-11T09:21:00.002-04:00

I went skiing for the first time in like 8 or more years.

My muscles now remind me of this daily. I ache in my triceps, in my back, in my calves, hips, and thighs. And of course I have bruises on top of that.

My legs are so stiff I can barely bend them!

I think I took it a little fast!

Just have to keep it up, work with the ache, but not so bad that I injure myself.

The weather is magnificent and the snow deep.

Well I'm off again. No not to ski, I don't think my legs can support me!

I went for a 3 hour walk and didn't start regretting that until about 10minutes after I got back to the cottage and took my boots off. Now the muscles that weren't key in skiing ache.

Why can't it give you these warning pains when you start?!

Off to eat now!

Blogging quickly from Ruka, Finland

Greetings from the North!

2009-04-08T16:17:00.001-04:00

I am up north in Rukka, Finland!

My posts will be more brief since I will be out in the snow humiliating myself and having wicked fun.

I will try to post some pictures of my trip here tomorrow. But I just arrived and I am dead tired after hours of travel.

I can't wait to show you Finland's landscape, it is so different than Canada! Or rather it is Canada but greatly compressed!

Ramblings 27: In the Moment

2009-04-07T09:07:00.003-04:00

I was just on Reddit reading comments made by a person who was high and also happened to have a psychology degree.

He talked about living in the moment, living in the now and setting a goal and defining what is important in your life.

His really long comments had to do with a person asking how to stop drinking.

I really couldnt agree more with what he said. The power is in you to change, not some external thing.

If you don't want to, then you wont.

And I think AA is another way people are brainwashed :x. I look at the steps and all I can do is shake my head, believe in a higher power, acknowledge you have no control... etc etc.

*Shudders*

I'm sure it works for some... but thinking that I have no power or choice... no will over what I do. Well that's just something I can't and never will accept.

Reddit: http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/8aknp/hey_reddit_i_need_help_ive_become_an_alcoholic_it/

Author: cedargrove

Forehead: Place Stamp Here

2009-04-07T05:49:00.002-04:00

There are somedays when I wonder if there is something written on my forehead that compels people to ask me for advice or my viewpoint on something.

No this isn't just friends, it is acquaintances, co workers and people at bus stops.

I guess I should be a little flattered, and I don't mind sharing my view, as seen by my blog I think. But really I have to wonder what it is that causes people just start talking to me about the problems they are having.

Or maybe people just do this to everyone they meet...

Hunger

2009-04-07T02:57:00.002-04:00

I hate being hungry.

Currently my stomach is attempting to turn inside out so that it can devour me.

I think it is rather upset that I didn't have breakfast.

I was in a rush! Last minute packing for my trip to Rukka and packing my lunch for the day and cleaning up... all in under 15minutes.

Yes, I am an idiot, I overslept. But oh it felt so good!

Ever noticed that being hungry is the worst for like the first hour and then you forget that you are hungry? And only hours later do you start feeling dizzy and nauseaus from lack of food? I've fasted before so I know you can last.

I think its withdrawal.

Of course you shouldn't starve your body. But its the worst if you have been eating crap, then your body is all like give me chocolate! Give me a hamburger!

Thank god my stomach is crying out for a steak and salad at the moment. I've been eating a lot of vegetables, and I mean a lot the body needs to consume a lot of greens to keep energy up.

So now my stomach is twisting and turning and I'm trying to ignore it so it will leave me alone for the next two hours!

Wish me luck

Gifts - Appreciation

2009-04-06T07:03:00.003-04:00

I was brought up on the habit of bringing a gift to places you go to visit relatively formally(family, friends and acquaintances).

From visiting with relatives for coffee to a nice social dinner. Really it depends on how the invite was made. And sometimes that can throw you.

Gifts are genearlly something little, a box of chocolates, candles, napkins, flowers etc. It is sort of a thank you as well as a sign of appreciation for the person the effort they are showing for you.

I would not bring my best friends little random presents every single time I go for a visit.

this habit is something I was brought up on.

But really deciding what to give and whether it is appropriate can be a serious headache!

Not to mention if you go out socially on formalish occasions you might end up broke. Thank goodness it is little gifts, or even flowers from your garden or something you baked.

Now I have been invited by my Uncle (really his wife) to Rukka for Easter. Because of Finnish social structure and polite behavior I do not have to bring anything. Since he is higher status than me, being an older relative.

However I'd like so show appreciation for him sharing the celebration and his cottage.

So I am going to buy a bottle of white wine. Problem is I know nothing of wine. So I will have to ask for help in the store.

About Me

2009-04-06T05:37:00.002-04:00

I thought I'd post a little about myself :)

I am a twenty-something female, currently living in Finland.

I have lived in Finland, Canada (Ontario and Quebec) and the USA (Florida and Atlanta).

I dual majored in Psychology and Writing & Communication at the University of Toronto.

I love languages, and I love to read just about everything. I university I took a variety of classes from philosophy to economics.

At about the later half of my time at University I started having the feelings that I wasn't being taught something really valuable.

I was being taught facts, but it felt like I was giving puzzle pieces, except the pieces didn't fit and were sometimes missing.

Did you ever have that?

The most notable of this was during my psychology courses. We would speak of genetics, evolution, and a more holistic approach. But it was as if we were touching the surface and part of that surface was fake and the insides nearly empty.

I think a lot of this came from my Writing Program. In that course we were taught to think. Taught to doubt, question, analyze and be critical of everything. We were taught to research ourselves.

No longer were the words of my professors something written in stone. I realized they didn't really know what they were talking about in somethings or simply alluding to others.

One of the best things to do, I discovered, was look at who was involved in research, check out who did the funding.

For example would you REALLY trust a study on the affects of smoking funded by the Tobacco companies? So why do you trust research funded by companies such as Monsanto with the quality of your food?

No matter the checks and controls in a study, the person funding it has a say in its release. If it will be, how much will be released. And also what information and how it is worded.

Did you know it is incredibly hard to find research in the USA that is not funded by someone that shouldn't be funding it in the first place?

Do you want good research? Then check out torrents, European, Asian and non-USA journals.

But always always check. Sometimes they do it through a third party company or by another branch name that isn't easily recognized.

Well back to me, I have a brother also that influenced me when he started doing his own diggings into truth and health.

He would send me articles and videos about his discoveries. From hard-core conspiracies to things that have been proven to be true (though they were conspiracies at the time).

Our world just isn't what it seems. Time to take off the bull-shit glasses and take a look.

Moving the Blog Cont'd

2009-04-06T01:33:00.002-04:00

As I have spoken before, I will be moving my blog onto a website... as soon as I figure out a name.

I might just end up flipping a coin.

Anyway I will organize my site so that everything will be nicely categorized. ie Ramblings in the Ramblings section with subcategories on the topics. Travel experiences in the travel section with subcategories of location, etc etc etc.

So now for the name... eventually... where's my coin...

Miserable Weather

2009-04-06T01:27:00.003-04:00

Weather has this annoying affect on me. If it is cloudy and dreary it makes me sleepy and bummed out.

I think it probably affects a lot of us like that. I think it also has to do with the lack of sun.

Ever heard of Seasonal Depressive Disorder? That's when people feel depressed in the winter months.

Some people think that this depression is all in the mind, and not due to lack of sunlight.

But it is funny how it is "cured" when the people who suffer from it purchase Natural Lights, (light bulb that mimic the sun's light) and have the light in the room with them.

Supposedly shining it on the back of your legs (knee joints) helps as well.

I kind of wonder why every Finn in Finland doesn't have those lights in their home. After all they barely have 4 hours of light in the winter. I think a little natural light might boost the mood here.

The problem is not so great in Canada, though I think we could all benefit from those lights... especially people who sit in front of their computers all day. You know who you are!

Human beings are just walking, talking plants! We need the sun to survive and apparently not just for Vitamin D.

Easter - Finland's Halloween

2009-04-05T15:24:00.003-04:00

Virvon varvon tuoreeks terveeks, tulevaks vuuveks!

Kui monta urpaa nii monta uuhta,

kui monta varpaa nii monta vasikkaa,

kui monta oksaa nii monta orhii,

kui monta lehtee nii monta lehmää,

kui monta latvaa nii monta lammasta.

The above is a sampling of the Finnish version of "Trick or Treat"

The Easter tradition is strong in Finland, and every Easter morning little Finnish children dress up as witches and carry baskets containing coffee, eggs and other things. These suit covered witches go knocking on doors and chanting various verses for treats. The more children that come to your more home the more luck and blessings upon the house. And for the kids the more houses they manage to get you is one of honor... and treats.

The above is most common that I heard. Approximately. It is a blessing on the new year and upon the house.

The children are then given chocolates and other goodies.

This tradition is call "Virpominen".

It has to do with how people greeted Jesus in Jerusalem with palm branches. However in this case its pussy willow branches decorated with little eggs and colorful feathers, ribbons and papers. It is also common to gift the houses with these branches along with various blessings.

The verse above is approximately translated as:

By this branch I wish you much health and greetings on this new year

with many catkins, many eyes

with many branches, many calves

with many buds, many stallions,

with many leaves, many cows

with many branches, many sheep

(full of error, it was written in a dialect, but this is the gist of it) If someone wants to have a better translation, comment and I'll work harder at it! Or submit one...which ever :)

I just thought this was nifty :) I had never heard of it before. Apparently its roots come from Karjala and is also influenced a little by Russia.

Finland - Food & Work

2009-04-04T15:00:00.003-04:00

Food.

The Finnish diet seems to be largely bread and potatoes. They have really, really good bread in a variety that you can't come close to in Canada, unless you go to specialty stores and even then you rarely get the quality.

I think it's is largely due to the fact Canada and the USA do not have the same quality standards in their products. The food here in Finland seems to be more nutritious, have more flavor and be more effective. I made some buns with the traditional Canadian recipe. I ended up with nearly double the amount the recipe indicated.

However food here is more expensive. On a good point you could say that is good. But veggies and fruits will burn a hole through your pocket rather fast. But they are good.

Well I'm told they are not even close to what you get in Asia (at least according to my brother who was recently there), such as Hong Kong, let alone Kuala Lampur (pardon the spelling). I think THAT is due to the fruits and vegs having to travel greater distances and therefore are not permitted to ripen as well.

That and the EU is getting more and more genetically modified foods. But at least it is more restricted and controlled here.

But the food is good here. I don't get why people come to Finland and say it tastes like crap.

I am more of the opinion that most Finns don't sit down and enjoy the meal. It is all rush and no savoring of quality ingredients and well made recipes.

Finns need to relax, sit down and take more than 10minutes to eat a 3 course meal. I mean seriously not even more Canadians are that bad!

The food isn't spice, but it is generally fresh and good quality. Generally you can taste the ingredients involved.

And my Canadian friends when eating Finnish fare at my home in Canada have all enjoyed it and frequently asked for recipes themselves.

So no it isn't a matter of taste, but a matter of apprecation and taking the time to enjoy a meal.

As I have heard now more and more. Finns seem to act like life is work. They don't stop to appreciate what they have. Though some do, but I have to say that Finns have a REALLY good work ethic.

They just need to relax. And not work and rush.

*Note coming to Finland in the summer is the best, a large majority of Finns are using holiday leave, around 6 weeks I believe. Though I think most take just 3weeks off in the summer so they have some for the rest of the year. By the way 6 weeks + government holidays ie Christmas, easter, etc etc. Finns get a lot of time of and know how to use it generally.

A lot of Finns travel or migrate to their relaxing summer cottages!

Finland - Crossing Streets

2009-04-04T10:23:00.003-04:00

A native Finn asked me for an example of what Finns did differently than people in Canada.

I told her one thing is how they cross streets. In Canada as long as the way is clear you cross the street, even if you have a Red Pedestrian light. You even jaywalk. Technically illegal but very rarely reinforced. And not just when the way is clear, we have people crossing the streets at random in Toronto. Drives the people in cars crazy.

And then if a pedestrian is on a rise in the middle of the street, cars generally, not always, but generally will slow down or stop so they can get completely across the street. This is only the case if there are no street lights where the person is crossing.

In Canada the driver gets all the blame if you hit an idiot that crosses where they aren't supposed to.

I then told her that in Finland a large majority will stand at the crosswalk, waiting for the Pedestrian light to go GREEN before they cross.

Which is all when and good, except that often there are no cars in sight or so far off that you can safely cross before it gets there. Also most Finns only cross and crosswalks.

She and her friend adamantly denied this, saying no! You must not be in Helsinki, we all cross is there are no cars!

And I say, and my English friends says No. There are so many Finns that do this that it isn't "just a few". It isn't just elderly or mothers. Most Finns will stand and wait until that light changes.

She then said, there is nothing wrong with standing there, if I am not in a rush I will wait for the light to change!

The English guy's and my jaw dropped to the floor. If you have spare time why the hell would you stand like a fool at the intersection staring at a light? Frankly I would have better things to do. Like maybe shopping, or getting a snack or taking in the sights... something better than standing at a crosswalk waiting for the light.

The Finn went on to say, well I will cross, except if there is a child without a grown-up, then I won't since it sets a bad example!

At this the Englishmen and I exchanged laughing looks, and said at about the same time, "I wouldn't have even noticed!"

Multicultarism - The Experience

2009-04-03T07:29:00.003-04:00

After coming to Finland I have been encountering more and more people from different cultural backgrounds.

This seems mainly because they gather together in a tight knit group, they all know each other or know someone that does. There is the occasional Finn that infiltrates the group, but usually they are quickly spotted and fade away after a few interactions.

This is not from any intentional actions on party of the Multicultural group (let's call them MCs) but more that they seem to feel uncomfortable around the boisterious and loud group that isn't even intoxicated yet.

There are also Finns that have various MC backgrounds or have lived outside of Finland for a few years and absorbed different cultures in that time. They blend in magnificently.

It is interesting that all the MCs I meet have similar reactions to all non-MCs, be they from Finland, Canada, China, India, Africa or anywhere else.

MCs find it difficult to view the world the same way non-MCs do. MCs often observe that non-mcs believe their cultures to be superior to others, (unconsciously for the most part) and often don't think of global perspectives. It is all local.

I guess it is hard to imagine the size of their world if you live on one street your whole life.

Not all people that travel are MCs. You have to actually live with people from a different culture and let it touch you. Take down the barriers and be willing to see through anothers eyes.

All this I hear again and again from people. I know people from single-cultural backgrounds might take offence, none is intended. I am not implying lack of intelligence, skill or anything else.

It is just a different perspective when you walk in anothers shoes.

I believe you can probably acquire it even in your home country if you go out of your town/village/city/state or province. Or simply living with a different family.

The thing is, and here I think is where it gets tricky, you have to OPEN yourself up to it.

Ramblings 22: Notes and Sunflowers

2009-04-03T05:54:00.003-04:00

I think I ramble a lot. 54 postings and nearly half of them are Ramblings...

Though perhaps they all are.

What is sometimes frustrating is that I will come up with an idea that I think would be cool to blog about and then when I start writing I realize I have completely forgotten what it was.

Occasionally it will uncover itself amidst the ramblings or on a later date but still it is annoying.

I should probably carry a notepad with me all times and jot down ideas. I keep loosing pens though, and mostly I come up with these ideas where it wouldn't be too smart to be scribbling in a notepad...

I think I will look into it. How many ideas are lost because we didn't record them?

On another note. Sunflower Seed Oil.

I am looking for cold pressed sunflower seed oil. But the bottles I have found do not tell me whether or not they are cold pressed or not. Are all sunflower seed oils cold pressed?

I read some where that generally cold pressed sunflower seed oils are used in foods and the heated ones are for industrial purposes.

But I rather know before I buy... so anyone know?

Spring is Coming...!

2009-04-03T03:44:00.003-04:00

I woke up this morning at 6:45 and said to myself 5 more minutes.

The next time I opened my eyes was when my last minute alarm startled rattling in my ears. I blinked and saw it was 7:15.

Needless to say I started running. I had to pack my laptop, change of clothes, lunch and get ready for work... all in 10minutes.

I pulled it off in 12, but I skipped breakfast, which at the moment my stomach is taking issue with me for.

I debated whether to put on a sweater, but decided against and grabbed my fall coat as I ran out the door.

I was pleased to find that it was funny, blue skys and that the temperature was on the positive side.

And to add to this I saw GREEN. Yes, green. That wonderful colour that indicates new things are growing.

So for the rest of the day I am working. And then meeting a friend and somehow try to attend a co-workers Farewell Party an hour after meeting my friend, I figure I can pull that off.

Don't know what I will do upon meeting friend, maybe movie or shopping but right now are the Crazy Days when everything is discounted... but the stores are full. And I hate long check outs!

After having fun with friends I will head to spend the weekend at my grandparents place, I think they want to celebrate an early Easter since I will be going with my uncle's family on the actual day.

Emperors and Generals

2009-04-03T01:32:00.002-04:00

I am reading a philosopy/spirituality book that was written way back when. Since I don't have it on me I can't give you a date.

But I'd like to share with you one of the things I read.

There are two pearts the mind and the heart (emotion). The book described the mind as a lord as an Emperor and the Heart as it's Generals.

When the Emperor does not rule the Generals run amock, causing devasation to the land. But when the Emperor rules (and rules well) then the Generals are in line and the land is peaceful.

I really should quote it but like I said don't have it on me at the moment!

Relationships

2009-04-02T07:01:00.004-04:00

When is it too much?

I seem to be coming across a recent theme in clingy relationships.

I have been getting texts, calls and emails about wanting advice to improbe a relationship. From brand new ones to decade old.

I really don't know why everyone comes to me! I try to help, but I'm not you/them, I can't see all your past experiences, all I can offer is a new look at what they view as an insurmountable obstacle. Generally it is smaller than they think... other times not so much.

There current theme of neediness. I am frequently hearing "Oh, I can't live without him/her" I think my life will just stop! Oh maybe I should break it off right now so it won't hurt more! etc etc etc

And as some of you know or have figured out I tend to be practical and logical about certain things. Also I refuse to go into a relationship where the person I am with is "the air I breathe". Maybe I am a little cynical after having to deal with giving advice so often in these relationships.

But I am not a dramatic person, nor am I excessively emotional generally (or so I think... am I wrong?)

Yes I want a person that can make me happier, that can show me new things and open different worlds for me. But I don't want to loose me. I could become more. But I don't want to stop being me. Make sense?

I want a partner, not a crutch or life support system.

Oh, I like that.

But anyway the usual problem in all the relationships I hear about is lack of COMMUNICATION.

Oh, sure you nod your heads and go, but I do talk to him or her! He/She doesn't listen.

Here's the thing men and women talk different. Men are generally more about showing instead of telling. Women tend to be more verbal. When a woman has a problem she tells her man and he gives her a solution, but that isn't what she wants, she just wants a shoulder to cry on.

Most guys don't want to listen to women as they talk on about things that are unimportant.

Women see this as the men not caring about them. But most guys, wouldn't be with you in the first place if they didn't feel something for you. Vice versa by the way.

But of course most of us are so screwed up that you might just be with a person for security or that you don't want to be alone, etc etc.

Now communication is key, you have to figure out how to do it. You have to be open and honest and not try to manipulate, control or for godsakes CHANGE your partner.

You can NOT change a person unless they themselves want to change.

Anyway talk with, not AT.

If you tell yourself he/she wouldn't care, wouldn't understand or any tens of thousands of excuses then you are either;

A) Not communicating properly

B) In a relationship you should not be in, in the first place!

I like helping people I do, but I am not a counsellor, psychiatrist, psychologist or in any way a professional.

So why is it that everyone seems to come to me? From strangers to colleagues to friends?

It's not like I have been in thousands of relationships and have tons of experience or something... really I don't! Get that smirk off your face, I'm not lying!

Do I make sense? I'm losing track.

Okay my little rant is over.

DISCLAIMER: Don't get me wrong, I like when people talk to me or I get to talk to them about problems. But when every where you look the problem has the same root... and all you ever hear about is the solution...

enjoy your emotions,

don't drown in them

Shh!

2009-04-02T03:36:00.002-04:00

Finland is a country-sized library.

It is organized, controlled, full of knowledge and advanced (technology). It also has you keep your voice volume at a near a whisper.

You know you have been in Finland, perhaps a little too long when you associate a loud voice with drunkeness.

Of course most of the time you are right or the person is a Foreigner. Yes, oh my god, a FOREIGNER.

So loud voice equal Drunk or Foreigner.

Running

2009-04-02T01:22:00.003-04:00

It's time to start running again.

I tried going up the stairs to work, (nine flights) and came to the end panting for breath. Well it is the morning and even when I was running daily I can't run in mornings. I think its because my body is asleep till about 3pm. (My fastest run speeds have been between 8-10pm)

But really no excuse, and now that the streets aren't covered in ice I believe I will start running... unless they freeze over and then I am so not running.

My body is giving me all the signals. I'm getting edgy, craving better foods, (not comfort foods like bread) and when I do walk I end up doing little half jogs. In heels, which isn't the best idea because it causes my calves to cramp.

So I'm changing my diet again. Cleansing myself of the toxins and colon cloggers consumed over the winter.

Todays lunch is salad, paprika, onion, some other green thing, and another green plant I've forgotten the name of... lettuce, iceberg and... I think it's a weed. The left over tomatoes have soured so I didn't toss those in. And I added some musli for flavor.

Todays super with be steamed rice with mix of semi steamed veggies. And after a fruit salad. All home made.

Before the meal I plan to run right when I get home. Though if flurries start, it won't happen, but cross your fingers that I get me some great running weather.

Oh it will be so nice to exercise OUTSIDE!

Why Criticism?

2009-04-01T15:34:00.002-04:00

A friend (you know who you are) of mine emailed me:

Here is a thought, to be a good editor someone needs to understand your work. As you have mentioned earlier, some people may not get your writing or meaning in other words. So how do you expect people who do not understand it, to give you a valuable feedback or insights? Sure they’ll catch small things like grammar, but I doubt they would impress you much with anything beyond that.

“How are you supposed to learn when you are not shown what you have done well? You are left guessing what is good and all you see is the bad.”

I tend to think along the lines that we can choose what we see. From this description of your work I take it that you think that you are fairly confident in your ability and performance, but also realize that there is a room to grow. Correct me if I’m wrong. Yet you say you do not know at the same time. It makes my thoughts go back to one of your very first posts, when you said that you are starting to look for answers more and more inside of yourself.

I replied to her in an email, but I believe I will elaborate here a little more.

The reason I look for "insights" from people that don't get my work is to gain perspective. What is it that they do not get? Do they not get it because of lack of background? Do they not get it because I was overly complex or simple? Did they not get because I explained it poorly or focused on the wrong audience?

It all helps me see what I am doing from another's eyes. I like to see how others interpret my work, to see if I was able to convey what was within my mind to them as I wanted to.

Also I want to know how to communicate to people that don't "get" it. Of course I am, above everything else, writing for myself. I write because I enjoy it, I like putting my thoughts, ideas and stories down for others to read.

But sometimes I want to share my ideas, and let people see something through my eyes. And if I can acquire the ability to let them see it, even briefly... well I think that that is just plain cool.

There is always, always, ALWAYS room to grow. To believe otherwise is to be a fool in my opinion. I believe there is always a little more that you can learn, a new skill to acquire and new experiences to gain.

I am looking to myself for answers, but I also want to understand others as well. I am not the centre of the universe... I am just the centre of my life.

And I'd like to learn a little about the others orbiting around me as I go about it.

What is it that makes others tick, how is it that they view me from the centre of their own lives?

Lastly, in the end the writing is mine. I define it, I create it, it is just plain mine. I have the choice to take what others give me in criticisms or not. I do not define myself by then.

I often use writing to clarify my thoughts, as I write it sharpens things that have been tickling at the back of my mind, having people tell me their opinions on strengths/opportunities of stories or posts can give me new ideas and concepts to play with as well. And also allow me to look at something in myself at a different angle.

This is the end of the post, I think I am about to go too far afield and I'm tired! :P

Criticism

2009-04-01T04:23:00.002-04:00

After taking courses on writing, and completing the program I have come to realize that most people really don't know how to edit properly.

Oh sure they get typos and spelling errors, but they don't generally know how to improve on a phrase/piece or to tell you what is missing.

Added to this is that they don't know how to criticise.

By this I mean actually being helpful in what they say.

Generally, criticising has negative connotations for most people, since it implies that you have done something wrong.

Now in my writing courses what we were taught to do is this:

- What are the Strengths?

- What are the Weaknesses?

- What are the Opportunities?

*** Do I have these right Dorian?

Opportunities are what most people ever hear except that it is all negative. Opportunities appear where there is generally a weakness in the piece or something that the reader/editor feels is missing. This can also include something that is not a weakness but something you think could improve or add to this piece if added or removed.

What you usually hear from people is what you did wrong. You rarely hear about what you did right.

For instance where I am working I handle about seven pages of newspaper. I catch many of my own errors within the writing after several checks.

But of course with this amount of information things fall through the crack. I am not an OCD personality type or anal, I am not that much of a perfectionist, but I do get a large majority.

My proofreader out of thousands of words find 2 to 10 things maybe a week that need correction. Ie neighbor vs neighbour or ".. vs ."

And then all I hear about is the errors I have made. I do not mention to them that I have to go over every change they made to check that they are viable. Often they are corrections that should not have been done in the first place.

I get that it is important to be precise, and each time I do it I get better at it, less and less fall through the cracks.

But I dislike this superior, snobbish attitude these proofreaders get when I make an error. I do not go rubbing it in their faces when I catch them at an error, or when I see all the errors in the rest of the paper.

How are you supposed to learn when you are not shown what you have done well? You are left guessing what is good and all you see is the bad.

I am used to criticism, I was raised on it as a writer. I like it when people tell me what they like, where they think I should give more details, or what they feel isn't right or whatever else they feel about a piece I have written.

What I don't like is purely negative feedback, feedback I can't work with, feedback that makes you feel shot down as if all the work is shoddy crap.

Archetypes

2009-03-31T07:25:00.002-04:00

I recently read through some of my past fiction stories and noticed that each of my heroes shared certain characteristics. The newer the writing the more defined these characteristics became.

I had not even realized that I was basing each character off the other. I thought I was coming up with something original.

And then I remembered that my favorite authors have done the same. I had read some of their early writings before they wrote the series that launched them, some free pieces, etc and saw that the heros all shared similarity. From physical features, past histories, skills and personalities.

And that with each writing the character had developed. I hadn't really liked their earlier books, but they were okay, just not complete yet.

It is like writers create a mold for their characters and constantly chisel at it until it is complete. then they can pour the story into it.

Similar to when artists make sketches of possible characters or scenery and refine that image or build on it until the final product.

Archetypes, gotta love em.

Judging a Book

2009-03-31T06:38:00.002-04:00

How often have you been told not to judge a book by its' cover? Or variations on that theme.

"Oh you shouldn't judge a person on their appearance or their pasts!"

Sorry to say but I do judge a book by its cover. If the cover does not appeal in some way I will not stop to take a closer look.

Which I believe carries over to people as well. How often have you dismissed a person based on their appearance or actively avoided them? How about based on their voice? Behavior?

What else do we have to judge a person on the first meeting than the surface?

I believe that of course you can't tell everything about a person from a glance. But I believe in listening to my gut. If something tells me to stay away from a person I will, especially if there is no one else around.

Also I believe you can train yourself to be able to get an incredibly good read on a person from just looking at their face. I am not trained in Face Reading, but I know it exists and from what I've seen of it, it seems to be pretty freakishly accurate. Also eye-reading, iridology can diagnose disease or health problems.

Your face records your life, from smiles to frowns, from thoughts to braindead (at the moment I can't think of the opposite of thought. Ha!) Also health, how is the skin? Does it glow? Is it pale? Dry? Lined? Scarred? Acne?

Generally people don't think why they react to people, but I think there is an unconscious process within us that categorizes all these and other features with different personality/behavior/health types. And when you have an instinctive reaction to a person this is your subconscious informing you of what it has observed.

Have you ever seen a person, that looks perfectly normal, just like an everyday average Joe and felt the urge to turn and run, and not stop running until you were safe and at home?

You get that feeling, I'd recommend following it.

In a lot of police reports you'll read about how a person felt uneasy or had a "bad feeling" about something or the person that attacked them and decided to ignore it.

Instinct is there for a reason. The reason we judge is there for a reason.

Of course some people are better at it than others, some are more aware, some are less.

But I think we can all teach ourselves to be more aware of the processes that are behind our judgments.

What I Ate

2009-03-31T04:15:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I decided I needed to use as many things from my fridge as I could before things started to spoil.

So I poured some water into a pan and turned it on.

As it heated I diced up red paprika (pepper... which is the English form?) Onion, chicken filet, some leafy green thing and tiny tomato things.

I then cracked two eggs and dumped their innards in to the pan. Following this is put in the rest of my diced up foods.

While is was cooking I noticed my fridge had a bit of cheese it is so I tore those apart and tossed them in.

And just as I was about to close the fridge I noticed the 1/4 full salsa jar. I dumped that in too.

I then took the last remaining pita and placed it on my plate.

Last, but not least I poured the contents of my pan onto the pita, and let the pita (it was a little dry) soak up the liquid.

This may all sound rather icky, but it was so good!

And it looked rather good too.

Review: Grey's Anatomy

2009-03-31T03:36:00.002-04:00

I still can't belive I am watching Grey's Anatomy.

Following the adventures of such characters as McSteamy and McDreamy. Okay so those are nicknames but really?

Sure, Iknow there probably is a lot of drama occuring in a hospital and that they have insane hours as interns and doctors. But the drama surrounding the operating table makes me a little worried.

I sure hope the surgeon isn't making puppy eyes at the intern while he was playing with my brain!

I am not quite sure why I am watching it. Aside from the fact that McDreamy (AHEM! Shepard) is really cute and has great hair.

Okay so I am as shallow as the next girl when it comes to a guy like that. But he really does have great hair!

The story however, is full of drama and plot holes. The characters don't grow or develop all that much. Though George is doing okay.

Like after Meredith Grey sees a man blow up in her face, she is back to work the next day.

I don't care if she's a surgeon, you see a guy blow up in your face the next day you will not be a-okay and making more puppy eyes at your married boss that you had an affair with.

The show rarely seems to deal with any issues. Quickly skimming over things that would traumatize and destroy a non-tv character.

Though I think the later seasons are an improvement on the first. And oh my gawd, I'm on season 3 already.

But I guess the show is just another way of escapism, letting people pretend to be voyeurs into others lives that seem to be more twisted and screwed up than their own.

Frankly, I think I'm just watching because the guys are so cute!

Right & Wrong

2009-03-31T01:59:00.003-04:00

I was asked to write about right and wrong.

In answer I said that it would take a long time to write.

But here I will try to be brief.

Go with the Golden Rule: "Treat others only in ways that you're willing to be treated in the same exact situation."

This rule is found in practically every major religion from Christianity to Confucius. Really it makes sense to me. And I don't really care that it's in the religion aside from the fact it seems that humans have universally agreed on that one rule above all others.

Or you can go with what George Carlin said about Rights, I can't remember the exact line, maybe someone can help me out on that.

"I have the right to shoot and kill you and you have the right to do it back!"

Response to Nora Roberts Comment

2009-03-31T01:10:00.006-04:00

Hello,

I disagree.

You can be impressed by something and not like it or want no part in it.

You can be impressed that a weapon is able to destroy half the planet but not want to use it. Please! Don't push the shiny red button!

Impressed by a design of a house and not want to live in it, or impressed by a car and not want to drive it.

I can appreciate her success though I want to no longer read her books. They aren't for me, but thousands or hundreds of thousands do enjoy them, who am I to quibble?

Clearly she is selling since she pumps out a book practically every month. As a writer I find that impressive. Ialso find it impressive that she has created such a stable market for herself and that her books have been translated into dozens of languages.

You don't have to like something to be impressed by it.

Edit: Why Not?

2009-03-30T10:29:00.004-04:00

First off I'd like to say thank you to all those that comment!

And now to those that haven't ;):

My friend has a theory about why people don't comment. I do as well, a couple actually.

1) Not in the mood
2) Nothing to say
3) Too lazy
4) Don't want to be the first
5) Don't get the posts

Etc,

Now I'd like to ask all those that read this:

1) What makes you comment
2) Why don't you comment
3) How can I make commenting more enjoyable

Should I not respond to comments? Should I have shorter posts?

I love being asked questions, I love it when topics for posts are suggested, and I get a kick out of reading the few that dare comment.

So how about it? Why don't you comment?

I promise not to bite... maybe just a nibble ;)

Authors: Nora Roberts

2009-03-30T07:41:00.003-04:00

If you live in Canada or the USA, and probably many other countries, and you have walked through the Romance/Fiction section of your Book Store you might have noticed the rows upon rows of books written by Nora Roberts.

In a couple of stores she has an entire wall or two devoted completely to her books.

I swear she comes out with a book every month.

The books are duplicates, variations of a common theme. Almost all her heros are Irish or of Irish descent. The guy always does nothing wrong but has to apologize to the woman who misunderstood him and over reacted or was actually the one at fault.

The sentences are cliche, the story is the same and the characters always shaped by the same mold.

Nora Roberts hit the jackpot. She figured out what her audience loves and writes exactly that.

Her earlier novels and series were far more original, and much more creative, and actually varied and plot and you couldn't always predict the events to the end. (Okay for the most part you could, but not as much as you can now).

I think all those books were written before the mid 1990s.

I almost wonder if Nora Roberts is now an organization of many writers that just follow her planned layout. Kind of like Harlequin.

I should go and check how often she releases books. Because she sure write fast. But if she is writing it can't say I'm surprised since it is practically the same book every time...

Oh, and she is also J.D. Robb so she is publishing as two authors.

I have to say I'm impressed either way at her success... though I stopped reading her books when I realized they had all become clones.

Freelancing

2009-03-30T06:23:00.002-04:00

I tried to set up an Elance profile but apparently their admissions test is down.

I also vaguely recall setting one up a couple of years ago, but I go through emails like a drunk man goes through peanuts.

So, this means I have to search and find it and update my profile from years ago.

Freelancing and then publishing my own book thats the plan.

I should probably create some book reviews at well as some point, but I've had little time to read.

And those of you that know me personally are probably rolling their eyes with disbelief. No time for reading? She practically breathes books!

Sad but true, no time, rush rush.

Though I am getting a lot more writing done. And I adore that my blog gives me an "excuse" to post as much as I want.

Also the more I post the more people visit, oh Google Analytics how I love thee.

So if anyone reading this has a freelance gig for me toss me a comment or email me at

marika@monolithicstudios.com

Ramblings 17: Starving with a full Plate

2009-03-30T05:34:00.003-04:00

Why is it that people want better quality but are unwilling to pay for it?

I just read an article about organic food. One of the writers commented how it is hypocritical to demand more organic and healthier food and not be willing to pay for the difference.

He also included that for some people it is a big deal and they can't afford it.

But let's look at the big picture. If everyone started buying organic, natural foods the prices would be forced down due to competition.

Currently organics is not leading in the market I believe it is about 17% or less here in Finland. And everyone moans about the price and then buys the non-organic cheaper one.

But if we all bought it this would change. Yes it is more expensive to grow and make, and not as sure. But if the people demand the companies, governments, the world has the answer.

And those forward thinking people would set up companies to dive into the "new" organic food market.

Competition, competition.

But if you aren't willing to pay, the prices will never go down and even more long term the quality of food will decrease to such a level in which you can practically starve even with full plates of food just because the nutrients have been removed, sucked out or made so synthetically your body treats them as trash.

Most of us suck at seeing the big picture, in realizing that we do have the power to cause change.

Imagine, starving when your fridge and plate are full of food.

What I'm Eatting

2009-03-30T04:49:00.003-04:00

For the past two and a half months I have had little choice in what food I consumed.

My Choice:

Now since moving out I get to decide and make whatever I want, which isn't always the best, especially when you are tired from work.

Generally the Finnish diet is chicken, fish and ground beef. With heavy doses or potatoes or pasta.

Salads in Finland are often laughable in proportions. Which is understandable since produce is rather expensive.

But I decided to splorge, my fridge is filled with leafy greens, mangos, tomatoes, paprika, pears, peaches, yams and more.

It is fantastic, no fried food, no greasy meat.

Oh, I do have cold cuts, but I use them for flavoring and not the central focus of my meal.

I have discovered a fantastic sandwich.

Rye bread with avocado in the place of butter, a smidge of onion, couple slices and paprika (pepper) and a pile of lettuce. And then 1-2 slices of a chicken or beef cold cut.

It is ridiculously good.

My brother has discovered for himself the Raw Fat diet.

Which I haven't quite moved onto, but I'm working on it.

And by diet I don't mean short term. This actual change in the long term in what you eat

You avoid all processed fats, which is rather difficult since most foods contain it. And if you want meat you generally cook it. But to counter this you have smaller portions of meat and fresh veggies and fruit.

Avoid cooking when you can.

This diet leaves you with so much energy it is almost ridiculous. However you have to eat more!

The leafy stuff doesn't have all that much energy. So instead of 3 meals a day you go for about 6. But they are slightly smaller in proportions.

There is a bit more to it, but I'm still working on this details.

Comment: Feeding Your Pet

2009-03-30T03:26:00.003-04:00

Hi Lee Ryan,

I am no animal expert or health expert, let alone professional.

I do not know what you normally feed your dog, or the type of dog you have.

But here is my response to your comment:

From my own experiences, through osmosis, from television, websites, books, magazines and research, I believe you didn't hurt your dog.

You just gave him a tasty treat, which probably was a lot healthier than most dog treats.

You got the meat from a local farmer, and assuming he doesn't inject or feed his animals with excessive growth hormones or other drugs.

Generally, the more raw the food you eat the better it is for you, however with today's world you risk a variety of diseases since most of our immune systems have been damaged by pollution and other toxins and lack of contact with a variety of bacteria due to excessive sterility (cleanliness).

Here is what I go by when buying for myself, and any animal for that matter: The less ingredients the better. If you can't understand the label then that food probably isn't good for you. It is most likely synthetic and made from a lot of oil-based chemicals.

As long as you didn't pour on a ton of salt and sauces your good to go. One steak isn't going to harm your dog. And most likely it might be even healthier for your dog to eat that than his regular food.

Grilling the meat is a type of processing so your dog won't have gotten as much out of the steak as he could have, next time try a rare one if you didn't this time. You want to avoid fried fats, (any fat that has been heated up is processed and our bodies (not sure of dogs) aren't designed to process that)

A lot of owners cook for their pets, this can often be expensive, but might be healthier if you do your research and find out what your dog really needs in his diet.

I don't know this for a fact, but I don't think a dogs natural diet includes the amount of corn and wheat most pet foods contain.

I conclude with do your research, don't just read what the pet food manufacturer says, remember he makes a profit from you and will twist his words to make you believe in his product.

Remember when researching to check who funded the study, often you will find it is the pet food manufacturers in the background. Though research is supposed to be unbiased, pure and everthing good it is often higly influenced by who does the funding and can be heavily skewed or censored.

If there are any errors in this post feel free to contact me and I will correct them.

And once again I speak only from my experiences and studies and make NO CLAIM to be an expert, phD or doctor.

Feeding Your Pet

2009-03-29T06:51:00.002-04:00

I recently read an article in a pet magazine that was about debunking classic pet animal myths.

One of them was that you shouldn't feed for pet "people" food.

It went on to say that it was okay as long as you don't feed too much and avoid highly processed foods and ones that contain preservatives and other chemical additives.

Okay so pretty much feed your pet natural food.

So it's not okay for your pet dog or cat to eat that MacDonald's burger, for example, but it is okay for you and your kids.

Because if you feed it to your dog or cat, they might get sick, they might get fat.

We apparently value our pets health more than our own. Or maybe in pets the effects are just that much more apparent, after all they barely live a fraction life times. (10-17 years)

Am I the only one that sees something wrong with this picture?

Ramblings 16: Drinking

2009-03-28T17:50:00.002-04:00

I have been drinking and since I was on the metro I started thinking about the differences in my mind when I am drunk versus sober.

I have concluded that I am a surface thinker when not-sober. It has the feeling that I am only skimming the top of my thoughts and that their is a labyrinth beneath that I cannot access, blocked by a barrier created by alcohol.

It takes serious effort to get through the wall to even feel that I am getting even a semblance of my normal level of thinking.

It will be interesting to read this post when I am totally sober. Also I am more prone to spelling error or wrong word choice when I have been drinking. I am doing a lot of backspacing.

I guess people drink to get away from their thoughts, as my friend and I both believe it is to forget, to not think about their own lives that they drink.

Though I find some affects of alcohol enjoyable, I will never include it into my regular habits. Because frankly I have so much more fun sober, and sober fun stays clear and true in memory and saves you a freaking headache the next morning.

Update About Me

2009-03-28T09:35:00.003-04:00

It's snowing outside and I am going to buy a ticket to return to Canada at the end of August.

I have now agreed to stay 2 additional months at my internship, I am now officially published in two different newspapers/magazines.

I have done translations, layout, website updates and articles.

So, oh yeah, I am totally on my way to my goal as a writer.

My internship will end at the end of May. That means 2 months of free time unless I don't get another job.

I am considering traveling around Europe. And to pay for part of it I plan to write some articles to submit them to various newspapers and see if I can get any money from that. You know writing about travels, people seem to like reading about that.

Then in August I will go with my parents to our cottage up north and bond with nature.... hm I am going to have to write a lot of posts before hand since I won't have much net access up there.

For Easter I am going to Rukka, to my uncles... ski chalet, or 2nd cottage, however you wish to call it. That's in about northern central Finland. For about 5 days.

There I will humiliate myself on the slopes by falling flat on my face and eating snow.

Hopefully I can do some cross country where I will at least get a little less humiliated.

It has be nearly 7 years since I last did any kind of skiing.

Seriously, what kind of Finn am I?

Tonight I am going to Baribal, see www.baribal.fi to play billiards, get boozed up, eat what I am told are delicious french fries and also humiliate myself playing pool.

And hopefully have a blast.

I was going to go to my cousin's 25th birthday, but he ended up sick, doesn't that just suck? All the plans gone to waste because of the flu.

The flu is on the move here in Finland. And it is freaking me out, I hope not to get sick, since I've been sick enough on my trip here!

So that's my update. Next post will be about ramblings or some quirky observations of Finns in their natural habitats!

Oh PS, It's my dad's birthday today, so all wish him well!

Pretty Day

2009-03-27T07:56:00.003-04:00

I am going to be completely innane.

It is so pretty outside. The sun is shining, the sky is blue and cute little fluffy clouds are drifting gently, carried on by a wind.

Ah, pretty. Would be nicer if it wasn't so cold. Though the snow is melting. Yay!

I just watched two pigeons, well I think they were, attack a crow or maybe it was a hawk. I don't know but it was interesting how the circled and dove at the larger bird to chase it away!

You could practically see the indignation in every wingbeat as the bigger bird flew away. And of course the little ones we ecstatic.

Today I am going shopping today at Stockmann, which is Finland's version of the Bay or Sears, but much more posh.

I will post something a bit more thought out later, but I had an earge to write and those birds were so blasted entertaining... does it sound like I'm bored?

PS; Dorian! I see what you did there! Trying to steal my readers! And I have only so few!

Cruel, cruel cruel!

Don't think that I was too busy watching birds to notice!

Guest Post: Living in Hong Kong

2009-03-27T02:22:00.002-04:00

A friend of mine told me about his experience in Hong Kong after reading my multicultural posts. I found it so interesting that I asked him to write a post!

And WEE he DID, so here it is! Enjoy.

Chinese-Canadian

Living in Hong Kong

Hong Kong is a place typically filled with a single culture population, ironic because the city is known for being international. You could walk around the street and you would see people of different skin colour, speaking in all different languages wherever you walk in different parts of the city.

Hong Kong itself is a culture, its not a traditional Chinese culture, its not a British influenced colonial like culture, it’s a culture based on trend, NOT being outdated, following the leader kind of materialism.

A lot of people love traveling, to different places whether it’s for sight seeing or anything, the more places the more you experience, especially for multicultural people they tend to be more open to visiting different countries. Here in Hong Kong whenever I ask any of my friends, 8/10 times they would like to go to Japan. I’ve been to Japan too myself, it’s a great country, polite people, yummy food etc … but personally, I wouldn’t want to spend all my holiday visiting the same country every time.

I see this as being more of a trend than enjoyable personal experience, they have bought into the “greatness” of what the “great empire” brings. They believe that there will be nowhere else better in the world. It is all done though on a materialistic surface, if I were to ask them how much they understand about countries and particular culture they wouldn’t able to tell me anything.

The typical Hong Kong population, in my wording I would describe as a flock of sheep.

Fashion sense is influential to everyone, you and me included, to some extent at the very least. In Hong Kong though, it is not about how smart and neat you look when you dress, it’s about wearing the most fashionable things that doesn’t even fit you. Obviously these are my opinions and it’s not for me to judge peoples fashion sense. You remember seeing people wearing caps loosely on their head? When you’re 6 foot 2 the cap is just another 3 inches on top of your 6 foot frame. When your 4 foot 10 and you add another 3 inch on top of your head, it looks like your body is out of proportion, and you see people like that everywhere here. I remember 3 years ago when pink was the fashionable colour here, when a guy wears a pinkish dress shirt, it could look great, a pink t shirt great, but when you see a guy wearing a baby pink tank top alone (with pants of course) and not just one but a couple, you start to wonder do people think about how they dress or do they dress as they are just because it is THE colour of the year.

When I go for food with my friends, it is always the same few Japanese restaurants or some sort of fusion cuisine (all of which serves pretty much the same things). I never really choose where to eat and I let them do that, but whenever I give some suggestions like “ hey I know there is a Spanish pub around that serves great food or have you been to that particular French restaurant?” they would start talking about something else. I do not know if it’s just me not fitting into their culture or do I just think differently. For them, life revolves around the same couple of things, I can’t say it’s boring but it’s too predictable.

Sometimes I wonder if I should be judging them the way I have here. Maybe they are thinking of me in a similar way, who knows?

Ramblings 14: Something

2009-03-26T08:20:00.002-04:00

I'm drawing a blank today. So I am going to type until something pops in my head.

Why is it my best ideas come to me when I am on the move? When I am running, on a bus or a train?

I wonder if somehow you get put in a trancelike state that allows your mind to wonder and ponder freely when you are on the move.

I guess it also goes for when you are on your bed staring up at the ceiling or at a wall.

Ever just stare? Let your mind go empty and quiet, let all the tension just pour out of you?

Do you meditate at all? How do you meditate? Do you do breathing exercises, physical actions, staring? Listen to music?

I'm sure there is at least more than one way to do it.

Getting your thoughts to be still. Completely still is incredibly difficult. Something seems to always want to encroach on the silence that you are trying to form.

I think it comes about best when you aren't trying to achieve it.

Breathe without listening to your breathing. Look inside and out and balance yourself between the points.

I don't sounds kind of cool though.

I've done it a few times. But sometimes it feels like there is no time. But the times I have done it I have had such greater mental clarity afterwards...

O look I actually came up with something in less than three lines.

FW: Lost

2009-03-26T07:49:00.002-04:00

Fictional Writings aka Story (start of one)

He was lost. Jack stared at the large map in front of him and stared at the little dot. "You are here."

Jack was pretty sure he wasn't there at all. He didn't see the MacDonald's that was supposed to be right next to him, if he in fact was where the blasted dot said he was.

Clearly, some jerk who thought it would be make great laugh moved that little dot sticker into the middle of nowhere just so Jack would stand here, his stomach growling, nosing running and getting his ass soaked in the rain.

Jack shoved his fingers into his hair, and pulls on it.

"Okay, stay calm, all I have to do is figure out what street I am and even this stupid ma-" He breaks off, squinting at the map.

"Effing hell!" The map didn't have any street names. And now that he focused on it he saw that the streets were slowly shifting. So the map was useless. Who would put an animated map in the middle of the city?

Jack looks around, tugging his small coat to cover himself as much as possible. He'd already outgrown the damn thing. He had just gotten it last month.

His mother had been so proud to get him a new coat...

Sharply shaking his head he turns his back to the stupid map that was even worse than useless.

"Okay, so I just need to backtrack a little..."

He stumbles back against the map as a large dog jumps out of the alley snapping at him before darting away.

"Goddamnit. This is the shittiest day..."

All the streets were empty. Since when is Toronto so dead? Just where the hell was he?

He pulls his hand from his hair and looks down at it. He stops breathing.

His hand is dark, rain isn't that dark. He raises his hand to his lips, cautiously sticks his tongue out to taste.

The bittersweet tang of blood causes him to recoil. Shaking now he moves his hand back to his head.

"It's just a small cut, probably from hitting the map so hard just now."

His fingers pause as they catch on torn flesh. His finger slips in. The scrape of bone and then the soft press of brain matter.

He jerks his hand away, collapsing to the ground as he starts heaving up his insides.

To be continued...

Ramblings 13: Perception

2009-03-25T10:53:00.004-04:00

Okay, on the talk about need.

I am not saying that society has made wants into needs. But rather society has twisted our perception. Let's say marketing has.

People believe, they BELIEVE, that they NEED material possessions to live. There are even psychological disorders that take this into the extreme.

Also because of this twisted up perception people become greedy. They want more than they need.

This has nothing to do with job, and money.

I'm talking about how this in the end effects how we view ourselves. We view ourselves as being material, as being defined by what we can hold in our hands.

To me, this is my belief, to me this is a twisted thing.

We aren't the sum of our material possessions or positions in society.

People are turning more and more outwards to find happiness, to find themselves.

One of my favorite quotations is this:

Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life.

People have forgotten that. We constantly to outward, more and more physical things to define ourselves.

Constantly buying more and more, wearing ourselves out, trying to get that Ideal happiness.

And because of how the world is today, you do need money to survive. Money can allow you to be happy since you won't have to struggle for the things you need to survive.

But then think how much money goes into buying things you don't need.

People waste their lives trying to get something that they can never get through their current methods.

Happy is what you should be. Not something you strive for.

Money can't buy happiness. But it can give you the time you need to find it in yourself.

This is the last post I am going to do on this subject for a little bit, since I want to look at some other topics as well. :)

Children on Buses

2009-03-25T09:53:00.002-04:00

I continue to be surprised by things here in Finland.

There are little children riding buses here. Without adults with them. These kids are at most eight years old!

They go on buses all the way from the Finnish equivalent of suburbs to the Helsinki centre.

Finns are perfectly comfortable letting their kids on public buses.

But would a Canadian? Sure I have seen 12 year olds and up, but generally anyone younger has always, always had an adult or an older kid with them.

My relatives constantly warn me of the dangers of Helsinki and riding on the bus. But it is almost laughable when you think that they let their 7 year old ride the bus alone and walk 40minutes home from school by themselves.

Of course when they are warning me it generally has to do with me being out late and Finnish drunkeness or scary foreigners.

But really, would a parent from the USA or Canada be comfortable letting their kids ride the public bus at such a young age? To walk such far distances?

Really, it really makes you pause.

Response: Ramblings 12

2009-03-25T02:41:00.002-04:00

Maybe should I reword.

The point I was making is that these things shouldn't be needed to make you happy, shouldn't define who you are. A car is a car is a car. A car is not who you are. Your job is not who you are. The latest timex watch is not who you are.

These are physical objects and you shouldn't be dependent on them to define yourself.

Maybe I should use the word that they are a REQUIREMENT but not a NEED.

You can have a car, clothing, physical objects but you don't NEED them. You can live without them. When you are stripped bare you just don't need them.

What society teaches you is that you NEED the latest model, you NEED the newest style, you NEED their product.

Ramblings 12: Want & Need

2009-03-24T11:58:00.002-04:00

I believe the field of Psychology gave us a great disservice when it went and tied itself to marketing.

Through psychology the marketing system was able to shift our preception of WANT in to NEED.

Humans need only a few things to survive, water, food, shelter and as a species sex. You can also add that we need contact with others, this is tied to our mental health. A baby will die if it is not touched, it does not matter if you feed it and shelter it.

Today people believe they need a new car, a new house, new shoes, a new game and new hairstyle or something immaterial.

People drive themselves crazy for things they believe they need, but only in fact want.

People no longer look to themselves to fulfill their needs. So many look without to define themselves. Like somehow a new car will make you loved by all and accepted.

I'm not saying I am immune to this. I'm not saying we do not need money.

In fact today we need money, we can't get food, water or shelter without it. But using money to buy things so that you can be loved or to better define yourself...

You look at magazines, at TV, at what your neighbor does and compare. Will you be liked if you buy that handbag? Get that new iPod, will you be hip and accepted?

Well yes, but not for you, just that empty shell that is composed entirely of the material.

I think it is sad that our selves are defined not by us but by what we own, the country we are from, the job we have, and the neighborhood we are from.

We are defined now by Society. Many have lost their central selves, and let others tell them what to be.

You are told you can not be a leader, you can not come up with a better way of doing something, that you will get no where, that you are defined by what you own.

What are you when everything is stripped away?

Shouldn't we be more than the sum of our material possessions?

How often have you thought "someone else will do it". How often do you shift responsibility on to another and not take action? Do you not take action because you believe from the very start that you cannot succeed?

I think a lot of our world is a lot of talking and very little action. We seem to be puppets to the ones that do.

It is funny in writing, the biggest point is to SHOW, not tell. Don't tell me, SHOW me.

And yeah, I am also a person that has talked and not put what I said into action. Things I should have, because I believed someone else could do it better. That what I do would have no effect.

But really, everything you do impacts something else.

Don't tell me, show me.

***See this is ramblings, I started with talking about want and need and somehow started talking about taking up action in what you believe in. Go figure! It was fun to write though!

Ramblings 11: Sleep

2009-03-24T07:25:00.002-04:00

Sleep is a wonderful invention.

It just happens to be a bit inconvenient at times. Like take right now for instance. For some reason I can barely keep my eyes open. It's not even dark outside. I had a full nights sleep but still my eyes are sagging and my head just keeps knodding off to sleep.

I am losing time people!

So I decided to blog about and see if it helps me wake up a bit.

And why is it when you are absolutely dead tired, and just get your head on the pillow that you can't sleep at all?

What special qualities are required that you can just fall instantly asleep? Well I know you can train for it. But why is it sometimes after say 24hours awake that you can't get to sleep the instant you lie down?

And others when you feel awake you can just close your eyes and fly off to the magical land of rainbows and dancing bunnies?

Okay, I don't dream about that but I think it's a funny picture.

Frankly I don't think we should attempt to regulate sleep. I recall a study in which they put people into a room with no clocks or windows. Or any method of telling what time it was. They found after a few days that people naturally take one longer rest and a nap or two. Naps usually took place after eatting.

Did you know you can burn all your calories sleeping, if you are at your optimum weight? That is if you sleep well.

And did you know drinking alcohol reduced the length and number of REM cycles? That means you don't process the information of the previous day.

Also having less REM cycles than natural leaves a person sleepy and feeling unrested.

You can even train and acquire new skills in dreams?

Hm, I think this is helping me wake up a little.

Ramblings 10: Friendship

2009-03-24T04:59:00.001-04:00

Recently the topic of friendship has been popping up a lot in conversations.

What makes a great friend? Is it just someone you can have fun with and hangout or someone that you can strip your self completely bare (metaphorically), just be you and know you will be accepted?

How often is it that you meet a person with whom you can be yourself, know that it is safe to be yourself with that person and not afraid to be judged or laughed at. How often does it go both ways?

I think it is an incredibly rare thing to have a true friend, someone you know will be there, to lean on, support you and also that you will be there for the other person.

I think a lot of relationships between people are imbalanced.

Many put their sense of self, their security into something completely external, be it family members or physical objects.

I think when you aren't centered within yourself you can't make friends. Because if you are externally focused then you are dependent.

You are dependent.

To me being dependent on another for my reason of being, for my happiness seems wrong. You can't be fully realized if you don't love yourself, accept yourself and this is a rare thing.

In a relationship, yes you want to be happy, but it can't be the sole reason you are happy, you have to be able to make yourself happy.

Rather a relationship could enhance, or have a cyclical affect. The whole yin yang balance.

You are whole in yourself but you can be more.

I don't think I am describing this too well, but maybe you got an inkling what I think I'm trying to say.

Help! Need a Name

2009-03-24T02:52:00.000-04:00

Hi guys!

Well I am going to get a REAL WEBSITE... as soon as I figure out a nifty name for it!

So if you have any ideas please comment!

Response: Ramblings 9

2009-03-24T02:15:00.000-04:00

Nice to see comments, and o you copycat Jane! Heh

Well I didn't meant to imply this behavior was just towards North America, that's just my immediate. And I get it, I really do, it's far away, Canada doesn't get much coverage and probably doesn't play as big a role in history books.

But it's done all over. I often hear negative comments about people from different countries, like Italians are lazy, wifebeaters, uneducated and never move out of the home. People from Africa are all criminals. And stuff like that. This is what I find appalling.

It's just that the Canada/USA thing strikes the closest to home.

And yes, it is partle ignorance and inexperience with other cultures. And what irks me a bit is that a lot of Finns consider themselves worldly, experienced, sophisticated and educated. And then they talk about peopl from other countries in such away!

A lot of Finns go on exchanges to different schools and universities when they are young. They talk about their experience frequently from their times in Finland.

But a lot of what I heard is that they didn't experience, sure they were there 4 years but they still see only stereotypes and make massive generalizations.

Yeah, I know we all do this from time to time. And not all Finns are like this, I've met a lot of great ones. But the fact that this attitude is in the Media, newspapers, television and what not kinda just shocks me.

And yes Henri, I totally get what you mean, it's like the Finns that went of exchanges and just didn't live it.

Next post I should say a little about the other Canadian I met here and his reaction to Finns!

My apologies to all the Finns that don't think at all like this.

And don't let this post turn you off visiting Finland. It's a lovely country. Finns love practicing their language skills on all the people they meet and taking you out to a bar or a party of some kind. And if you just step up and ask, they love to help and assist as well. Not all of course, but quite a lot.

I have had a lot of positive interactions with Finns.

Also in recent years Finland has had an great increase in immigration, due to the EU and the wars. So they have two types of foreigners living with them, refugees and immigrants.

Finland has been for a very long time a humogenous country, so I can understand the struggle to adapt to the change. Canada and the USA pretty much grew up on immigration. European countries have not.

Older generations are much more likely to stereotype and have negative views whereas younger generations are much more relaxed, and many are open to getting to know the newcomers.

Still the media needs a kick in the ass, since a lot of it is controlled by the older generations.

I guess a large part of my strong reaction comes from my cultural sensitivity. And as we know media doesn't always reflect the majority view.

Ramblings 9: Semi-Rant About MC

2009-03-23T06:58:00.000-04:00

Rambling Comments: Replies and Reactions

2009-03-23T05:13:00.000-04:00

First thing I want to say is that I think it is a pile of awesome, yes a pile of awesome, that my friends that read this blog actually call me up to talk about it! Nothing pleases me more as a writer, other than the act of writing, is that my writing actually speaks to the person. People message me, call me and email me saying “you remember that post…?”

Anyway thanks to all those that read it, it really makes my day!

Now since we are on the subject, just today a friend messaged me and told me about his reaction to my post Single Vs Multi.

*By the way message me again if I have any of this wrong!*

He has been living in Hong Kong for the past year, and apparently after reading my post (apologies if I have this a little off, but the conversation wasn’t saved L) realized that there was a difference. He has lived now in both Canada and Hong Kong and says that people from a single culture don’t seem to have a certain openness to experience, and seem to lack some kind of perspective.

He continued to observe also that; People from multicultural backgrounds seem to be able to accept new things more easily. And also that sometimes he feels like an alien, (like standing outside and looking in through a window).

Anyway it was an interesting conversation and I probably garbled it up a bit, but I thought it was great that my posting struck a chord with someone.

And last note, another friend of mine called me up yesterday just to tell me that my Sunday post made her laugh, and that she loved the line about how my brain goes on a holiday on the weekends.

I seriously love it when someone can relate to a post or causes a strong reaction. Ok so maybe I wouldn’t want someone yelling and pissed off at me over a post. But even then that could be cool that they disagreed so strongly…

Anyway back to giving the appearance of work!

Ramblings 8: Just Sit Down!

2009-03-22T13:56:00.000-04:00

I haven't a clue what to write about. But I need to post everyday, you slack off one day and it's easier to do the same the next.

Eventually the blog be forgotten or I post just once a month. That would suck because I like posting!

So here is me not slacking off and actually posting something, sort of the last minute for the day but I've been busy.

Went jogging, grocery shopping ,cooking, cleaning and just wondering around aimlessly. Okay so not so busy but nothing popped in my head to write about!

It is somehow easier to write of weekdays, my mind is a whirlwind on those days. Weekends and my brain just shuts off and goes on a holiday.

The problem is I keep wanting to post all day long on weekdays... maybe I should set up as a timer so I'll have something for the weekends... but then I'd slack off again!

Have to just sit my ass down and write or it just stops no matter how much like it.

Now for something nearly completely unrelated. Ever paid attention to your fingers when you are typing? I've asked a couple of friends this and not many have. Aside from when you are first learning to type and have to look for each and every key!

Now if I just watch my fingers typing away on this keyboard it seems somehow disconnected from me. Somehow that message from my brain is being relayed to my fingers that tap away on the keyboard almost as if they have a mind of their own. It is also a little bit difficult to focus on them when typing because then you start typing something completely different or start messing up.

Generally, I type looking at the screen or at nothing at all, sometimes eyes closed when I am attempting to catch a particular image onto paper... sorta like painting except for most people you need your eyes open for that.

I paint with words.

Corny but that's how I think of it sometimes.

Anyway try it sometime. Watch your fingers, not the keyboard by the way, as you type. You feel a little bit of dislocation when you do it. As if the hands aren't yours. This doesn't work if typing doesn't come "naturally" to you and you are still slowly taping away and actually need to look where the keys are.

Anyway that's my post, hope someone enjoys it!

Ramblings 7: Rambling

2009-03-21T16:46:00.000-04:00

Ramblings can be incredibly cathartic.

My "Rambling" series are just the recording streams of thought as the dance through my mind and trickle out through my fingertips.

I've found they clarify my thoughts, put them into focus and uncover new facets in them, and also new ideas altogether. You can get lost in it as you just record whatever goes through your mind.

But just looking at what you have written after makes you see something new as well.

Sometimes I get so frustrated but once I get started writing that energy changes into something more edgy and focused, taking my mind off things I can do nothing about. Cleanse away the feelings that leave behind nothing but anguish if you dwell on them.

And in writing you can realize that they had no basis. That often they are simply a reflection of what is around you. We are incredibly sensitive to our surroundings, to interactions with others.

Ever notice that there are people that totally siphon energy out of you? They leave you mentally, emotionally and even physically tired after interacting with them.

Then there are others in which you become energized, and keep going and going like that bunny.

Keep focused and keep your center still :)

Ramblings 6: Just how trapped in our heads are we?

2009-03-20T07:21:00.000-04:00

A PWC colleague commented on my previous Ramblings 5 post about silence.

I think it got a little off topic though I can get the confusion.

Here's some parameters. Lets say that both people in the room are comfortable with silence. Comfortable with it alone and comfortable with it in a crowd (noisy or quiet).

So have let's say you are one of these people, have you ever felt that faint pressure that someone wants your attention, felt that faint tension, had a niggling feeling that someone just spoke to you?

Have you ever had that where you go "Did you say something?" When in fact it was all silence.

What if someone did say something, but not verbally.

They have conducted experiments where they have a person face a wall and have people sit behind him. They then direct the people to focus or not focus on the person in front of them.

More than chance, the person sitting facing the wall can guess that someone is focusing on him/her and not only that some of them can give the position of the person.

So maybe, that pressure you feel in the room that tension is when two people wish to communicate, are trying desperately to do so without words...

And what about when you are with someone you know well and can finish their sentence or know what they will say before they say it?

Of course you could say these are all from non-verbal cues, or previous conversations. But what if it isn't?

How about those times when you pick up to call a friend just to have your phone ring and it be your friend. And let's say that is a friend you haven't spoken to in weeks, months or even years?

Maybe we just are that connected... or maybe it's coincidence.

Question: Single V Multicultural

2009-03-20T04:19:00.000-04:00

Here's a Question

Do you think that the way a person thinks is altered when they come from 2 or more cultures?

Are the thought patterns, perspective, methods of thinking, different than that of a person that has lived in one place their whole lives?

Add to that that when a person is a polyglot... multilingual, they think differently, weigh things different in each of the languages.

So how much is culture, how much is language, how much is environment.

Take the situation where you take a person from 2 cultures, equally in each and then take a person from 1 culture and have them describe themselves, describe people, world events and the places they've lived.

What kind of views will they have? The same or different.

As in do people from one culture see things more internally? I don't know but I have been thinking about this a bit.

Is it just a factor that you can't see the forest for the trees vs seeing only the forest?

Or in the end will the results be the same...

Ramblings 5: Quiet Thoughts

2009-03-19T08:45:00.000-04:00

What is it that makes a quiet comfortable? Why are some moments tense and others not?

Ever sit in a room with some one, and neither of you can see the other but there is this tension. Something unsettling about the quiet. Leaves you edgy and twitching in your seat. Nervously glancing around.

Is it just you or does the other person have this reaction as well? Maybe the other person is the cause of the reaction. Maybe there is some psychic cue nudging you between the eyes.

Or maybe you are just really bad at comfortable silence. But then why is it perfectly comfortable with others...

Maybe it is all you and you are just tense or eager to say something and that makes you think the feeling is mutual.

But how many times have you broken that silence, or someone else has, by a word or a sudden noise and both of you laugh or one of you says "I was just waiting for you to say something!"

Ramblings 4: Learned Helplessness

2009-03-18T06:01:00.000-04:00

Learned Helplessness: We're not so Independent

I was on my way to work when I suddenly recalled a study that I had read about in psychology.

It had to do with operant and classical conditioning, which is when you condition an animal/person to do certain behaviours.

Like training a dog to sit, fetch or come when you call. You call dog, dog looks at you, you give it a treat. Then you build up from there, withholding treat until the dog gets up and comes to you when called. That is it simplified, there are other ways as well.

The experiment was done by Seligman in early 1965. He trained various dogs to avoid shocks from an electrified floor in a cage when a light turned on. When the light was on the dog would jump over the barrier to safety. They also had condition with no light. The dog would still jump.

Then he thought of this; he put the dog in a hammock and did the same light and shock association. thinking that after the dog was removed from the hammock it would learn to jump to safety.

What he discovered is something called Learned Helplessness. When the dog was released and shown the light it just cowered, and lay down taking the shocks.

Not even attempting to get away. It was had learned not to react since it believed there was nothing it could do.

However not all dogs cowered in later experiments some became vicious.

In another experiment the scientists gradually increased the voltage on a dog that could not get away. What they did was give it a weak shock then a stronger and then the next “weak” shock would be slightly stronger than the last and the stronger shock stronger than the last. The dog would react less and less to the weaker shocks even though they were the equivalent of stronger shocks made later. Eventually the dog did not react to any shock.

Know the frog experiment? Toss a frog into boiling water and it will jump out but if you put it in a pot of cool water and gradually turn up the heat the frog will just stay in that water until it boils to death?

Well, that was a bit long winded. I thought I should give you a little background… I hope it wasn’t too garbled!

Main Point:

The above is what I think about whenever I see peoples reactions to debt, gas prices, food prices or any changes in the world.

Gas prices soar to 2 dollars from 60 cents, people cry outrage. The gas price, drops to 70, then shoots up to nearly 2,50 dollars and then drops to 80. Etc, etc, and each time people react less and less to prices they nearly rioted over a year ago.

It is so… blatant.

You can see this kind of MARKETING strategy in a lot of places, you can see it in our food, our clothes, in products we buy and in the wars that are fought.

People are being conditioned, there’s even brainwashing involved in this to make sure you don’t think too hard about your conditioned responses.

Because of our conditioning we think always that someone else will do something. Someone else will take care of it. One person can not make change. Though almost everywhere you go you hear that you can do it.

It's why if someone collapses in a crowded hallway, you don't say SOMEONE CALL 911! You say YOU IN GREEN SWEATER CALL 911 NOW! Otherwise you stand the chance that no one will call.

Humans adapt, we can get used to almost anything… but why should we get accustomed to things that isn't good for us?

Why is it that we study so much psychology and science but rarely carry it over as to how it is used on us?

Guess we don't like to admit how easily we are manipulated. I know I don't.

Info about learned helplessness: http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/discouragement/helplessness.html

Ramblings: Expectations

2009-03-17T07:39:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine, (who will most likely grin very soon upon reading this) told me once that you form a vision/goal in your mind. The more precise you are the more likely you will get it.

For instance you want a boyfriend? Well visualize in your mind’s eye what he will be like. Just interested in personality and you don’t care what he looks like? That’s ok. But you can go so far as to describe hair and eye color, and height.

The problem is if you are either to broad or too precise. Rarely do we really know what we want right off the bat. Like in my previous post you need some experience.

This isn’t just for getting girl friends or boyfriends, it can work for jobs, goals, etc.

Being too precise might leave you feeling the same kind of dissatisfaction as being too broad. Let’s stick to the boyfriend example. You want a guy who is, let’s say an artist.

Ok, so now you got him, except he is an artist into the extreme, constantly absorbed in his work, it is his life. Well, oops maybe you wanted a guy a bit more balanced than that. So you add that you want him to be sensitive and appreciative you. You can see how any qualities you want need to be balanced.

In the idea for a job hunt, I thought to myself I want a job where I can write. Well I got it but then I was bored as hell since I didn’t get to write creatively, I didn’t get to use my mind at all.

Be specific… just not too specific.

Now on to a slightly different point.

I have come to the realization in the past couple of years after hearing this, is that you can pretty much get anything you want.

By the way, this is pretty much the secret in The Secret book. Visualize and work towards it.

I have found it is best not to set goals very far, live in the present live in the now. Decide how you are, what you want. Do it for real.

Essentially you could think I believe in Fate, or Destiny or whatever, however I am more inclined that we shape it. We shape our futures, we shape our present.

There isn’t any other time than our natural time.

I always remember the day I stopped wearing a watch, stopped letting it completely dictate my life. (A little hard to do at work). People are always in a rush, saying they don’t have time, they are too busy, etc. I felt like I had removed a shackle… ah on this later I think.

Focus, focus, focus!

That’s it actually focus in what you want, what you are. I visualize at times that I’m in this massive interconnected web, I like to think of it as a neuron web, not like spider webs.

Once I decide on something, I start tweaking the strings, unconsciously, consciously and even psychickly.

And then usually in a few days, longest really was a year, I get what I set out to get. From abstract goals to material, there really is no limit.

I think I will have to go more into this later once I have thought about it more… I miss key points or they do not even occur until after…

Ah we will see.

Moving Blogs?

2009-03-17T05:18:00.000-04:00

I’ve been thinking about moving this blog.

Funny isn’t it how you can’t always say what you need first thing? I’m sure with experience it gets easier, you know the first steps you have to take before you can start a particular task.

This blogspot experience has taught me that in some ways I’m a neat freak, not that you can tell by my desk. I like things to be practical, easily accessible and nicely organized.

So, I think I will move to wordpress or some other site… not sure yet, I am going to have to see if Wordpress will let me do what I want.

For one I don’t like that Blogspot limits subscribers to Gmail accounts. Gag stupid.

For another I want subpages so they aren’t all on the same page. I want a section for Ramblings, Rantings, Review, Short Stories, Journals, etc and etc.

On the first page I want it to have like little excerpts of the new posts in each of the sections.

I want people to be able to subscribe with whatever comments they like.

Well, that’s as much as I’ve determined that I need for my blog, maybe when I have that I’ll find that I still don’t like it, needing more or perhaps maybe the simple blog format is best.

Hm, it’s not really a blog with multiple pages, in the end I want a website I guess.

You learn and acquire new skills every time you do something.

A part of me knew, going in to this whole blog business that I was testing the waters. Could I write everyday? Was a single page enough for me? Do I have something to write everyday?

I don’t know about the few readers, but I know I just enjoy writing about whatever.

So any suggestions about a new site or host that can give me the capabilities I am asking about above for free would be fantastic!

Well, shhh back to work.

Oh yeah, I will keep posting here until I figure out an alternative.

Oho!

2009-03-16T06:56:00.000-04:00

Finns have a way of being very modest and understating pretty much everything. Finn wins a gold medals; “Oho! Well I would been just as happy in fourth.” Finn has an all night drinking binge, “Oho, it was just 15 beers.” Finn knocks you down on the street and you twist an ankle, “Oho! Just a little bruise”.

Like in my previous post about lack of expression you can see it here. Finns tend to be so modest, refusing at any point to brag or even acknowledge the greatness of any accomplishment. Oh you cured AIDS? Oh that was just a little thing but I should have done it five years ago.

Watching medalists and commentators on sports shows is funny because they put everything a little down. Oh, he won a gold, but he still could have done better. Got a silver, he’s perfectly fine with not winning a gold but he should have done better.

In every compliment or acknowledgment of something this is that little “but”. I am noticing it more and more now as I pay attention to it. They always add in that “but”. She aced her exam, but she studied to hard or should have finished it faster.

I can get modesty and humility, by why not revel in a victory just a little? Enjoy that feeling of accomplishment.

I’m sorry, getting drunk and doing that does not count in my book.

Perhaps I’m just too Canadian…

Snacks

2009-03-16T04:27:00.000-04:00

It’s interesting to go shopping with a Finn before a night out. They go to buy snacks. To me snacks mean cookies, chips, popcorn and other bits and bites. To a Finn apparently that includes various types of alcohol from straight up vodka to ciders.

It seems that Finns start drinking about 1-3 hours before going out and do not stop until they are flat on their faces either in bed or on the bathroom floor.

The snacks were explained to me. Alcohol is expensive in bars so Finns get as wasted as possible before they even leave the house. I’m sure this is done in Canada, but I kind of think it’s not pushed to this extreme since at least one of the people will be driving to their destination because the GTAs (Greater Toronto Area) transit system is just awful. So really, really awful it
just doesn’t even bare thinking of when compared to Finland’s.

My belief is that the drinking is a way of cracking the reserve most Finns cover themselves with. Finns tend to come across as very… sober most of the time, rarely cracking a smile or joke. It is generally very quiet. Helsinki reminds me of a U of T library! Even the trams and buses are hushed!

The times Finns get noisy are when they are drunk. It’s like they have a completely different personality. Drink frees them to express themselves in ways they feel they normally can’t.
Finns are also very socially conscious people. Always spying, I mean aware of what their neighbors are doing, buying, saying… So it takes quite a lot to crack that reserve.

Me, being from Canada, most come across as a little crazy, I don’t have that kind of reserve, though in Canada I come across to others as practical, quiet and reserved. Here I come across as unreserved, open, loud and a little crazy. Maybe they think I am drunk all the time?

Or maybe I am misreading their reactions to me and they see me as just a rather extroverted foreigner that happens to be Finn at the same time…

Warning It's a Rant

2009-03-15T10:52:00.001-04:00

I have recently come into some information from my last place of work.

I worked there for a year, I did my job, did it well and ended up doing MORE than what I was being paid for.

When asked about what I thought would help me at the job, or any suggestions, I would take the question seriously. I would figure out what they were and figure out the best and easiest ways to implement them.

What I suggested:
1) Improving search engine functionality
2) Making update/insert information an online option
3) Having Sales Reps confirm with their customers that information is correct (so the company did not look inept when we contacted then 3 months later and they realize that we had been showing incorrect products/contacts/and other information online.
4)Having clients have a little more involvement
5) Getting more people into my position because one person just can't do the job of 5.

What was I told for all these? They are unimportant, they would not work, they weren't realistic considerations, they cost too much money. Other words I was shot down each time and informed that I was foolish to think any of these suggestions and others I made could possibly work out.

While I was there I was frequently asked why I had not finished the work assigned to me. (Review point 5). They now employ 5 people.

I have since quit this job. And have now heard from former co-workers that each of these suggestions has been implemented or is in the process of.

That's appreciation for you.

God gotta love it.

Story: In the Blood

2009-03-15T06:48:00.000-04:00

Blood streaked down the crumbling brick wall. “Shut up, shut up, shut up. SHUT UP!” Dark blood smeared down his face, streaming down from his forehead. The sound of his head hitting the alley wall echoed. “Shut up, shut up.” Dark eyes stared blindly, as his head knocked endlessly against the wall.

Blood tints his vision red, washes his mouth with the taste of copper and fills his nose with the scent of wet rust. “Shut up shutup, shuddup.” A rat snuffles at the growing pool of blood at the base of the wall. Flashes of red and blue light reveal the wasted form of the man. Thin pale skin pulled tight over sharp bones, weeping sores and abrasions cover this visible skin. Lips pulled back in a grimace, and his hissing breath whispers, “shut up, shut up, shuddup!”

“God, the smell,” Stanley coughs and pulls his collar over his nose and mouth. “Another gift from our man?”

“Looks like it Detective, same signature, same method, he even poured the bloody bits from his last victim in a circle around this one.” Collins shrugged, and sneezed into his handkerchief.

“Want me to take a look around and see if I can round up come witnesses?”

“Yeah, doubt there will be anyone; I bet parts of this wonderful piece of work are “witnesses” from the last kill.”

“Can’t hurt.” Collins shrugs, pivots and stalks out of the motel room. He takes a breath, filling his lungs with the clean scent of the street.

“That bad, sir?” An officer asks, holding back the reporters.

Collins shakes his head, runs a hand over his balding head, “You know it is. I’m too old for this shit, why can’t the crazies wait till after I retire, huh?”

The officer shrugs weakly, and Collins yanks up the yellow tape and walks under, storming past the reporters.

“Is it the Mercy Killer?” “Is this different from the other killings?” “Who is the victim?” “What are you doing to catch this murderor?”

“No comment, bug Detective Stanley when he gets his ass out, I got work to do.” The reporters fall back and then turn as once as the Detective steps out.

Collin ignores them and flicks on his flashlight. A drop of water hits him in the middle of his forehead. “Damnit just what I needed rain!”

He starts knocking on doors, “This what I get for moving out of the Big City, having to do all the legwork myself.” He grumbles, pulling the hood of his coat up he starts knocking on doors.

“Ma’am…”

“I didn’t see anything! Leave me alone!” The door slams in his face.

“Fuck.” This is what happens when there is a leak in the department and the public learns that the police think the witnesses are being slaughtered alongside the other victims.

“Shut up,” THUNK, “Shut up,” Thunk.

Collins shines his light down an alley. “What the hell,” the light flashes over a dumpster and the voice and noise get louder.

“Someone back here?” Probably some crazy bum, but he may have been a witness. God I thought moving out of the city got me away from these addicts.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up.”

Collins walks around and shines the light on a huddled figure, soaked through in the rain, knocking his head again and again on the wall.

“Hey son, you’ll hurt yourself… aw shit!” Collins jumps forward and pulls the man away from the wall, his light having caught on the bloody flesh of his forehead. “Shh, shh, it’s ok. Shit!” Collin stares into a wasted face, that should have looked older, but looked like that of a boy, even for its wasted state. Dark eyes, glinted and stared blankly into his own, the head still swaying as if hitting the wall.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up,” chanting under his breath.

“Hey, shh, shh, kid, I’ll take care of you, ok? We get whatever it is to shut up alright? You’re
going to be ok.” The dark eyes focused briefly and Collins felt as if he had been stabbed through the eyes and into his soul with a razor. They eyes unfocused and the policeman started to breathe again. “Shit, some stare you got there kid.” Juggling the flashlight and finally clipping it to his belt, he carefully pick the man up. “Oh man, you don’t way a thing kid, when was the last time you ate? I got some good food at home, and if you don’t like that stuff, my girl, my daughter

Kara can make you up something real nice.

The boy kept chanting “shut up” but Collins kept talking calmly over him. “Don’t you worry about anything you have seen kid, I’ll take care of you, get some meet on those bones and figure out what you think is so noisy that needs to shut up and all.”

“Hey Vicki, operator lady, you there?” He pressed his radio on.

“Right here, Vinny, what you got for me?” The sound of gum crackled over the radio.

“Vicki, I covered the area, damn those reporters, people are too scared to say anything at all.”

“Uh huh, what’s that noise?”

“Just static,” Collins reaches his marked car and props the man against it, holding him pressed against it as he opens the passenger door. “I’m heading home now. Picked up a stray.”

“You and your strays, one day you’ll get bitten, Vinny.”

“Yea, yeah, I’ve heard it, but rather be bitten than have something gauged out.”

The radio static is his response.

“Ok kid, I’m gonna get you in this car and we’ll go for a ride home, k? Nothing going to hurt you.”

He grabs hold of the man’s chin and tilts it up, dark glazed eyes stare up at him. “I know someone is home in here kid, all we gotta do is show you that this world ain’t that bad, huh?”

Carefully organizing the man’s limbs he buckles him in. Shuts door and paces around the car.

With a groan he settles into his own seat, “I must be getting old, you don’t weigh more than a couple sacks of potatoes and here I’m panting and groaning like some old man.”

The wasted man head sways to the side, unfocused eyes gaze in Collins’ direction.

“Yeah, I know someone was in there, see? You aren’t hitting any walls or telling the world to shut up.”

Glazed eyes stare and slowly long lashes sweep up and down as a light flickers in their depths.

Collins twists the keys in the ignition. The car jerks and starts purring, “Ah, hear that? That’s a well-tuned machine, kid. You have to take care of your partner, especially if it’s a car.” He reaches back placing his hand on the worn passenger seat, twisting back as he reverses the car out of the driveway. “Well we are on our way home now kid, you should like it. And Kara will take good care of you she will, my girl, she’s studying to be a doctor.”

The man listens to the other’s speech, not understanding, soothing the jagged edges of the voices the rant, weep and scream in his ears. He forces himself to see, lights dart past as their vehicle zips down the quiet town streets. There is a stink of other blood, death and fear. Breath hisses from between his teeth, he sways his head away from the soothing voice and attempts to see out.

But only lights and dancing shadows press against his eyes.

The voice continues to speak, the sound lulls him, and his eyes grow heavy until there is no smell, no sight, just the soothing rambling of the other.

The sounds of locks being opened caught Collins' attention just in time to turn and face Kara as she opened the door.

"Oh my god! You are soaked thro- who is that?" Kara asked after her eyes had traced her father's arm to the man he was holding up.

"Another lost puppy, found him beating his head on a brickwall. I didn't find any needle marks, but his eyes are dilated like all hell so I think he's on something. He looked so pitiful crouched in that alley... oh and he might also be a witness to a murder."

Kara blinked, "Wow, that's the most words you've strung together in the past month. Well, bring him in and we'll get you both dried up and I'll take a look at him. All my med studies have to be good for something!" She stepped onto the door step and slung the young mans arm over her shoulder and Collins' shook his head shooed her away.

"With the amount it's costing me I sure hope so. He doesn't weigh much I'll take him up to the guest room and you run the bath."

Ramblings 2: Rivers and Barriers

2009-03-14T16:37:00.000-04:00

It was mentioned to me that emotion acts as a reward, that it is necessary to find out about the self. That some people, through traumatic or trying experiences, learn to control emotions, not suppress control but control.

I have a different viewpoint. Best probable described by an analogy... though I am still working on this...

Imagine a river. There is a boulder in the river. Slowly the river can wear down this boulder, sometimes the river rages and breaks off chunks. The river can be seen as reshaping the boulder, refining it, uncovering different facets.

Think of the river as emotion. The boulder as your SELF. I think how ever the end result is that the river will wear down the boulder until it is a pebble. Shaping the boulder into something into something else. A boulder, to a rock to a pebble to a grain of sand... scattered across miles.

You can say that this is good we aren't meant to be the same always we need to grow.

So the analogy doesn't work so great... maybe... here is a little more.

I don't believe the Self is meant to be scattered, to become fragmented and spread out. The self is supposed to be a Centre, the thing in you that defines you and is your core and that shapes everything else about you.

I think that instead of a boulder we should be a..... permeable "barrier", like a net (not meant for catching) for lack of another description.

We should let emotion run through us, revel in it, feel it, but the Self is not altered by the emotion.

The Self sees, feels, or whatever you wish to say the emotion. Understands it, appreciates it and learns from it but still remains the self...

You either bend or break.

Forests

2009-03-13T12:25:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about forests.

Imagine with me a forest with hundreds of varieties of trees. From centuries old to saplings. There are healthy trees with strong roots, sturdy trunks and outreaching branches. Then there are the sickly ones.

There are trees that have weak roots, rotting, hollow trunks, branches that have reached too far and forgotten balance. Trees that though old are not sick or infested.

Dying trees that are being chewed up and destroyed by parasites or sick with sores, tumors and other diseases. Some just too damaged by time.

There are trees that overshadow the healthy ones, stealing their chance of light by taking the sun and the nutrients of the earth. Ones that absorb little saplings, or destroy before they have a chance to spread root. Some that no longer seed or create something new.

Why is it that these sickly trees are being given all the light? Are being patched with band-aids instead of being pruned. Why are the saplings ripped up and more nutrients spread at the base of the tree?

Isn't it for the best that these once great trees fall? Be cut down so that their bodies so that they can decompose and nourish the land, so their branches no longer block the sun?

Why not give the saplings a chance to grow, a chance to thrive and one day, of course overshadow other saplings, that is nature. But maybe these ones would be healthy and strong. Not infested... or welcoming infestation and disease.

Why is the... farmer... trying to prolong the life of a tree that's dead and just doesn't know it yet.

Now replace trees with corporations and you'll see what I've been thinking of if you haven't already.

Culture Clash? Babies in the Cold

2009-03-12T10:27:00.000-04:00

I have recently been staying in Finland and have noticed something, that I at least, find rather strange.

Perhaps people in Canada do it as well and I have just never seen it happen?

What I am talking about is the habit Finn's have of leaving babies outside in strollers or those little carrier seat things.

Are you surprised? If yes, that's good because then I am not the only one. If no, then how could I have missed it? Sure I'm not around babies all that often but I never thought that it was a common occurrence to put one's child on the deck or at the front door.

I will now just go on writing like perhaps this is only common in Finland, and perhaps other EU/Scandinavian countries.

Is this a way for the little tyke to get fresh air? To give some peace and quiet for the parents? I have noticed that they often put a baby monitor in with the kid. Do they sleep better out in the cold? And by the way yes it is cold out from -1 to -12 that I've seen these kids out.

Is it to make them adapt? Is it something that has always been done and never considered why?

I am not outraged on behalf of the baby, just puzzled as to why. I'm all for giving the kid fresh air but it seems odd since I'm so used to seeing babies bundled up and treated like the most fragile of crystal ornaments.

I figure it is probably little different than taking the baby for a walk in a stroller or going from point A to B.

But still... is it just that I'm Canadian? Raised with a western view? Unobservant that they do this in Canada and the USA as well?

I think what struck me the most was when I saw the babies in the strollers on the front door step and not an adult in sight. Frankly, if I was in the states and some areas in Canada I'd be too paranoid to do this, afraid someone might snatch my kid. By the way, no I don't have any kids.

Is it that the West is more dangerous?

I don't know... I'm going to have to ask a Native Finn about this, because all I can think is "Huh...?"

Ramblings 1: Comment

2009-03-12T02:56:00.000-04:00

Dear Deeply Introspective Anonymous Person,

Thanks for the comment!

When I was writing this I was following a stream of thought and as I started thinking about the many different forms of assumptions I forgot about KISS, Keep It Simple Stupid! To excuse myself a little (which I really shouldn’t do) I will say that this was a stream of thought (Ramblings are generally random topics that I let run wild in my mind as I attempt to record them!), as in it was free flow and I hadn’t really planned to type so much. When I realized what was happening in the end, which was further enforced by your comment, was that I was making WAY too broad strokes on the canvas, though it is kind of nice having them laid out!

The problem now is that I have even more to write about assumptions, really you could probably write a 2000 page essay or something on it! Well if you were REALLY wordy!

Okay, so I love to write and don’t mind having so much more to think about! Shh don’t tell anyone.

I agree with your comment about learning about yourself through experience, but I believe that you have to do both at the same time. That we can’t allow the external environment to control how we perceive ourselves, because even through interactions we develop more assumptions. I should probably go more into this later...

I don’t think I should have added the last part though it can be true. Hmm I am getting a bit lost in what I meant to say!

I will say this, and will later write more about it: (you triggered me into thinking about it, but at the moment I don’t have time (I’m at work, boo!)) I think we need to understand the unconscious assumptions first, the ones that trigger emotion. I believe that many people, myself included, are controlled by emotion. We have to let emotion flow through us, feel it, but not it control our thoughts and behaviors.

Well time to go, sorry if I misinterpreted something… probably come back and add or remove from this later when I read your comment more precisely!

Rambling: Assumptions

2009-03-11T13:48:00.000-04:00

To assume, one of my favorite professors always said, makes an ass out of you and me.

She taught me, and I ASSUME the rest of the class about assumptions, though of course I shouldn't assume, after all how do I know if the others were paying attention that lecture? Paid it any heed if they did? Maybe they took something out of it completely different than I did?

It's hard not to assume it's built into us, it makes life, makes THINKING easier to do. Think how much time you would have to spend on THINKING if you didn't assume. Didn't stereotype, didn't categorize? We do it not just in thought but also when we process memory, process hearing, process vision. How many times have you read or seen something that turned out to be something completely different when you took a closer look?

Our minds are, not to say lazy, but they prioritize, you assume that the round ball you saw was just that a ball and not let's say a melon, or a rock. The mind categorizes incredibly quickly or most likely if it didn't you'd spend most of your time just listening, watching and feeling.

Which isn't to say that is wrong, I think everyone needs to do that. Everyone needs to stop, and look, examine and understand what it is that they are assuming with every breath, every thought.

This can take a life time.

And no I'm not saying that I am better than the rest, I know for fact that I assume all the time. But every so often I will catch myself and go, "Enh, isn't that funny." And start 'looking' examining what it is that drove me to categorize or assume something about what I have seen/heard/felt/etc.

When I do I find myself delving deep, looking anew at things I've learned or experienced years ago and even just moments before hand. Why did I assume that melon was a ball? Well seems that it was in the middle of a basketball court. (No I have not recently mistaken a melon for a ball, but that is the first example I could think of.)

I find myself often sitting on a bus, train, metro, or walking, just thinking about my thoughts and where they lead and what is it that others think? Do I have any right to think that I can even guess at what others think? To be able to understand the forces, internal and external, that have shaped them.

I find myself more and more often looking more inside myself, and less outward for answers.

How can I understand anything if I do not first understand myself?

Journal 1: Something to say... Maybe

2009-03-10T11:10:00.000-04:00

Journal Entry 1:

*Occasionally I will make journal entries about my day which I will identify like so.

It's like I said in my last post, if I'm not 100% engaged then I'm bored. Currently I am bored out of my mind. I realized that I work too hard and I work too fast. So this second week at work I'm slowing it down, and not stressing myself.

The problem here is that I'm bored for about 3/4 of the day. Before I was bored for 3/4 of the week. I asked for more work but they wouldn't give me any. So now I just look like I am busy all the time and act like I don't have time to take on tasks.

Unless someone comes and gives me some work I think my brain might very well start leaking out of my ears. Oh but if that happens I won't know I'm bored!

It took me less than a week to figure out how to do my job. It took them 2 weeks to "train" me. Seriously I know how to use google, I know how to use MS Office, hey I can even install programs. Please, please don't try to teach me to copy and paste by showing me how to right click.

Okay that was a bit of a rant, but it gets on my nerves this lack asking what I know, instead they treat me as if there is nothing between my ears. Wasting both my time and theirs.

I don't generally worry about having time because I have figured out how to always have enough, but I do mind when my limitless time is filled with jaw-cracking boredom. I must have yawned like eleven times on the lecture about how to insert a picture into a table.

But I guess I shouldn't get so bothered, it's a waste of energy and causes all sorts of negativity to sink it's way into the mind. Better to accept and go into a happy place and nod at the appropriate places while deciding what to have for supper.

First Post -What's Going on

2009-03-10T10:38:00.000-04:00

Why the name? Well at the moment it's the best I can think of, probably later I will change it or perhaps grow to love it.

Why blog? Because it gives me the illusion of having a deadline, so that I make myself write. I love to write, but I am the worst kind of procrastinator. If I see myself as having a lot of time then I won't do something until what I view as the last minute (my friends tell me that the last minute is not two weeks in advance, but to me it is)

What am I going to write about? Everything. Thoughts, days events, random snippets of stories that pop in my head. Oh, I write mainly urban fantasy with a mix of what ever catches my attention.

When I write about thoughts or just whatever else I do not at any point claim to be an expert on the subject. Everything here is simply my thoughts and observations. I freely acknowledge that they might be 100% wrong. I realize I might insult someone but I will do my best avoid any of the nasty hatred. If you are particularly religious and not open minded then you probably won't want to read some of my posts.

Occasionally I might write reviews of one of the hundreds of books I read a year.

Like I said, it will be about whatever catches my fancy.

I ask that you don't troll, don't spam and don't flame.

If you disagree with me, want to comment or want to suggest I look into something feel free to contact me.