Pliers + Teeth = Frustration

I have to say I am missing Canada.

It's really the lack of noise and openess. 

Finns don't talk unless they have been drinking. The Finns that do talk are generally from the Karjala region (my mom's mom is, so now I know why she talks so much) And a couple other areas outside of Helsinki.

Finns don't know what to do with small talk. It can make them uncomfortable. There are even some Finns that do not volunteer any information about themselves unless asked a direct question.

And I mean direct, and then they answer the question with no more or less than is absolutely required. They don't volunteer, nor do they reciprocate in asking questions back at you.

Of course the person asking the questions ends up feeling uncomfortable, because really do you want to pry so much for information? It is like pulling teeth. The person does not want to give any information why waste energy on them?

The situation is different when they have been drinking, then it's difficult to shut them up and tone them down.

Of course not all Finns are an absolute struggle, as I said it depends on region and also their background.

If the Finn has travelled, has an outgoing partner, is from a more chatty region...

But I myself don't like tearing out teeth from a clenched jaw that makes me do all the work.

How can you learn anything about a person if you have to ask the questions and they supply nothing but a direct answer?

Of course this is handy at times when looking for direct information, but it is a pain when you want to get to know someone!

I have to add that I have met a lot of nice Finns that once I've cracked their shells turn into fun and talkative people, though still a bit more quiet than the average Canadian.

Slowly I will alter Finnish culture into accepting small talk as the norm!

Relationships

When is it too much?

I seem to be coming across a recent theme in clingy relationships.

I have been getting texts, calls and emails about wanting advice to improbe a relationship. From brand new ones to decade old.

I really don't know why everyone comes to me! I try to help, but I'm not you/them, I can't see all your past experiences, all I can offer is a new look at what they view as an insurmountable obstacle. Generally it is smaller than they think... other times not so much.

There current theme of neediness. I am frequently hearing "Oh, I can't live without him/her" I think my life will just stop! Oh maybe I should break it off right now so it won't hurt more! etc etc etc

And as some of you know or have figured out I tend to be practical and logical about certain things. Also I refuse to go into a relationship where the person I am with is "the air I breathe". Maybe I am a little cynical after having to deal with giving advice so often in these relationships.

But I am not a dramatic person, nor am I excessively emotional generally (or so I think... am I wrong?)

Yes I want a person that can make me happier, that can show me new things and open different worlds for me. But I don't want to loose me. I could become more. But I don't want to stop being me. Make sense?

I want a partner, not a crutch or life support system.

Oh, I like that.

But anyway the usual problem in all the relationships I hear about is lack of COMMUNICATION.

Oh, sure you nod your heads and go, but I do talk to him or her! He/She doesn't listen.

Here's the thing men and women talk different. Men are generally more about showing instead of telling. Women tend to be more verbal. When a woman has a problem she tells her man and he gives her a solution, but that isn't what she wants, she just wants a shoulder to cry on.

Most guys don't want to listen to women as they talk on about things that are unimportant.

Women see this as the men not caring about them. But most guys, wouldn't be with you in the first place if they didn't feel something for you. Vice versa by the way.

But of course most of us are so screwed up that you might just be with a person for security or that you don't want to be alone, etc etc.

Now communication is key, you have to figure out how to do it. You have to be open and honest and not try to manipulate, control or for godsakes CHANGE your partner.

You can NOT change a person unless they themselves want to change. 

Anyway talk with, not AT.

If you tell yourself he/she wouldn't care, wouldn't understand or any tens of thousands of excuses then you are either;

A) Not communicating properly

B) In a relationship you should not be in, in the first place!

I like helping people I do, but I am not a counsellor, psychiatrist, psychologist or in any way a professional.

So why is it that everyone seems to come to me? From strangers to colleagues to friends?

It's not like I have been in thousands of relationships and have tons of experience or something... really I don't! Get that smirk off your face, I'm not lying! 

Do I make sense? I'm losing track.

Okay my little rant is over.

DISCLAIMER: Don't get me wrong, I like when people talk to me or I get to talk to them about problems. But when every where you look the problem has the same root... and all you ever hear about is the solution... 

enjoy your emotions, 

don't drown in them