Something...

There was something I wanted to talk about but at this moment in time I can't figure out what it was.

So instead while the back of my brain mulls over what it was I will talk about my morning.

This morning I was dreaming.

I was dreaming about how I had to get home and that I was flying to Canada and somehow this transported me to Canada from Helsinki, via like a 5minute flight.

I then realized that I had to eat a banana and get my brother to give me some book.

Yes, I know weird, convuluted.

So I am eating my banana when my brother comes into the room and then I had the same brain freeze as I am having this post where I can't figure out what I have to say. So I offer him a mango.

He then hits me in the arm.

It doesn't hurt.

I wake up as I realize in my dream that punches like that usually bruise me and that since it didn't that I must be having a dream.

Then I woke up thinking I had overslept. Panicked and looked at my cell for the time and realized I had awoken about 30 seconds before my annoying alarm of doom sounded to snap me out of my dream.

I then rushed through the morning rituals, made a salad grabbed a pile of fruit and got out the door.

Upon arriving at work I found that I was the first one there and therefore locked out. I waited 20minutes before someone with a key arrived.

I am still clocking in at 8 though!

Good Little Girl Syndrome

A female co-worker of mine described some girls as having "Good little girl syndrome" which is tagged onto women that want to please others and are "nice".

I found that distinctly insulting on behalf of the women who are nice.

She went onto say that women like that won't be successful at work and get trampled on. That they are socially trained to behave in a manner that isn't truly female. I admit this is partially true but my belief that has to do with unconfident women that feel they need to be submissive.

I thought the term (it was in Finnish) was... let's say wrong.

It is generally not used outside of Feminist discourse. And feminism is strong in Finland.

There is nothing wrong with a woman in power.

But I think Finns might be taking it a bit far (or at least the older generation and some of mine).

They see the "feminine" as weak. Nurturing, caring, and other characteristics.

I think that these characteristics generally occure naturally in women (hormones, genes etc). I believe it is both a strength and weakness.

We exist in dualities. There is male and female, black and white, love and hated, etc etc.

Neither is better or worse than the other.

I think it is truly sad that there are women out there that do not glory in being female.

There is strength in being Female, it is not always the same as Male but both can be used to get ahead in life.

Work life is highlighted in Finland as being incredibly important, and that Feminine characteristics do not let you get ahead in that field, ergo belittling them.

However I believe a truly confident woman, who has embraced her duality can be successful as well.

And also thinking on this, will that woman be truly happy suppressing her feminine side and bringing the masculine side to the fore even though it makes her successful business?

I don't know... 

What do you think?

Change

A friend of mine asked how do you get a person with negative thoughts to change how they think.

I told him that they have to be a) willing to change or b) brainwashed.

I'm more for the willing to change aspect than the forceful brainwashing. Brainwashing is easy to do on most people, however if they have a strongly defined sense of Self than most likely regular and even some advanced brainwashing techniques won't work.

I think however if you approach the matter the right way you can get a negative person to at least try thinking in a more positive manner.

A simple exercise can be done to show them how. Have them keep a journal of their thoughts and experiences.

Then have them go back with a marker and highlight all the negative word choices and phrases. Then have them rewrite whatever possible in a more positive light.

That's one way, there are others. But thats a basic psychological technique used to treat people with depression and other psychological issues.

Also being positive relieves stress, generally keeps you healthier and happier as well.

Seeing the Negative

Ever met one of those people that always see the negative in everything?

A former co-worker would always find something negative. For example it was a cloudy day, "It's dark and depressing out there" When the sky was blue, sun shining and the birds singing, she'd say "I hate this time of year, it's too bright!"

I think in the two months I knew her she did not say a single positive thing about anything.

For myself I can't get how a mind can stay so negative all the time and function. It was depressing just talking to her, I don't know why anyone would want to be in that state of mind.

And seriously it is a choice. A person can choose whether or not to have positive or negative thoughts. One of the treatments for depression IS changing cognitive thought patterns. And that method is much more effective in the long term than any drugs.

If I start thinking negatively, start hearing those "woe is me", "buts..." "I hate" thoughts in my head and change it around to the positive. 

It just take a little effort until your mind catches on and starts doing it automatically.

Pliers + Teeth = Frustration

I have to say I am missing Canada.

It's really the lack of noise and openess. 

Finns don't talk unless they have been drinking. The Finns that do talk are generally from the Karjala region (my mom's mom is, so now I know why she talks so much) And a couple other areas outside of Helsinki.

Finns don't know what to do with small talk. It can make them uncomfortable. There are even some Finns that do not volunteer any information about themselves unless asked a direct question.

And I mean direct, and then they answer the question with no more or less than is absolutely required. They don't volunteer, nor do they reciprocate in asking questions back at you.

Of course the person asking the questions ends up feeling uncomfortable, because really do you want to pry so much for information? It is like pulling teeth. The person does not want to give any information why waste energy on them?

The situation is different when they have been drinking, then it's difficult to shut them up and tone them down.

Of course not all Finns are an absolute struggle, as I said it depends on region and also their background.

If the Finn has travelled, has an outgoing partner, is from a more chatty region...

But I myself don't like tearing out teeth from a clenched jaw that makes me do all the work.

How can you learn anything about a person if you have to ask the questions and they supply nothing but a direct answer?

Of course this is handy at times when looking for direct information, but it is a pain when you want to get to know someone!

I have to add that I have met a lot of nice Finns that once I've cracked their shells turn into fun and talkative people, though still a bit more quiet than the average Canadian.

Slowly I will alter Finnish culture into accepting small talk as the norm!

Coincidences

I was sitting in the car thinking about how I wished I had seen a reindeer while I was in Ruka.

Suddenly, the car slows down from 120km/h to about 60km/h. I sit up and look out the window. And there standing by the side of the road staring at the car is a reindeer.

How often does something you think about come to pass? 

Is it simply that we are more likely to notice because we were thinking about it? Like the confirmation bias? Was it simple coincidence? Or are we pulling strings that most of us aren't aware of, turning our thoughts into hard reality?

On a side note; Dorian what do endomorphins have to do with you using Twitter-like programs? Did you mean endorphins?

In a Haze

I'm sitting at my desk, trying to work but it's as if the world is a cottonball.

Everything is hazy and soft. From my keyboard to my focus.

It's like my mind is mirroring the weather. Foggy and chill. Everything is hard to move, from my fingers to my thoughts. 

I am slowly slogging away at work, and now I am writing this in an attempt to wake my mind up a little bit so that I can get my work done more efficiently.

So far it isn't working. I can feel my eyelids weighing down and my thoughts clouding over even as I write this...

Guess I will go back to struggling at work...

Gifts - Appreciation

I was brought up on the habit of bringing a gift to places you go to visit relatively formally(family, friends and acquaintances).

From visiting with relatives for coffee to a nice social dinner. Really it depends on how the invite was made. And sometimes that can throw you.

Gifts are genearlly something little, a box of chocolates, candles, napkins, flowers etc. It is sort of a thank you as well as a sign of appreciation for the person the effort they are showing for you.

I would not bring my best friends little random presents every single time I go for a visit.

this habit is something I was brought up on. 

But really deciding what to give and whether it is appropriate can be a serious headache!

Not to mention if you go out socially on formalish occasions you might end up broke. Thank goodness it is little gifts, or even flowers from your garden or something you baked.

Now I have been invited by my Uncle (really his wife) to Rukka for Easter. Because of Finnish social structure and polite behavior I do not have to bring anything. Since he is higher status than me, being an older relative.

However I'd like so show appreciation for him sharing the celebration and his cottage.

So I am going to buy a bottle of white wine. Problem is I know nothing of wine. So I will have to ask for help in the store.

Multicultarism - The Experience

After coming to Finland I have been encountering more and more people from different cultural backgrounds.

This seems mainly because they gather together in a tight knit group, they all know each other or know someone that does. There is the occasional Finn that infiltrates the group, but usually they are quickly spotted and fade away after a few interactions.

This is not from any intentional actions on party of the Multicultural group (let's call them MCs) but more that they seem to feel uncomfortable around the boisterious and loud group that isn't even intoxicated yet.

There are also Finns that have various MC backgrounds or have lived outside of Finland for a few years and absorbed different cultures in that time. They blend in magnificently.

It is interesting that all the MCs I meet have similar reactions to all non-MCs, be they from Finland, Canada, China, India, Africa or anywhere else. 

MCs find it difficult to view the world the same way non-MCs do. MCs often observe that non-mcs believe their cultures to be superior to others, (unconsciously for the most part) and often don't think of global perspectives. It is all local.

I guess it is hard to imagine the size of their world if you live on one street your whole life.

Not all people that travel are MCs. You have to actually live with people from a different culture and let it touch you. Take down the barriers and be willing to see through anothers eyes.

All this I hear again and again from people. I know people from single-cultural backgrounds might take offence, none is intended. I am not implying lack of intelligence, skill or anything else.

It is just a different perspective when you walk in anothers shoes.

I believe you can probably acquire it even in your home country if you go out of your town/village/city/state or province. Or simply living with a different family.

The thing is, and here I think is where it gets tricky, you have to OPEN yourself up to it.

Why Criticism?

A friend (you know who you are) of mine emailed me:

Here is a thought, to be a good editor someone needs to understand your work. As you have mentioned earlier, some people may not get your writing or meaning in other words. So how do you expect people who do not understand it, to give you a valuable feedback or insights? Sure they’ll catch small things like grammar, but I doubt they would impress you much with anything beyond that.

“How are you supposed to learn when you are not shown what you have done well? You are left guessing what is good and all you see is the bad.”

I tend to think along the lines that we can choose what we see. From this description of your work I take it that you think that you are fairly confident in your ability and performance, but also realize that there is a room to grow. Correct me if I’m wrong. Yet you say you do not know at the same time. It makes my thoughts go back to one of your very first posts, when you said that you are starting to look for answers more and more inside of yourself.

I replied to her in an email, but I believe I will elaborate here a little more.

The reason I look for "insights" from people that don't get my work is to gain perspective. What is it that they do not get? Do they not get it because of lack of background? Do they not get it because I was overly complex or simple? Did they not get because I explained it poorly or focused on the wrong audience?

It all helps me see what I am doing from another's eyes. I like to see how others interpret my work, to see if I was able to convey what was within my mind to them as I wanted to.

Also I want to know how to communicate to people that don't "get" it. Of course I am, above everything else, writing for myself. I write because I enjoy it, I like putting my thoughts, ideas and stories down for others to read.

But sometimes I want to share my ideas, and let people see something through my eyes. And if I can acquire the ability to let them see it, even briefly... well I think that that is just plain cool.

There is always, always, ALWAYS room to grow. To believe otherwise is to be a fool in my opinion. I believe there is always a little more that you can learn, a new skill to acquire and new experiences to gain.

I am looking to myself for answers, but I also want to understand others as well. I am not the centre of the universe... I am just the centre of my life.

And I'd like to learn a little about the others orbiting around me as I go about it.

What is it that makes others tick, how is it that they view me from the centre of their own lives?

Lastly, in the end the writing is mine. I define it, I create it, it is just plain mine. I have the choice to take what others give me in criticisms or not. I do not define myself by then.

I often use writing to clarify my thoughts, as I write it sharpens things that have been tickling at the back of my mind, having people tell me their opinions on strengths/opportunities of stories or posts can give me new ideas and concepts to play with as well. And also allow me to look at something in myself at a different angle.

This is the end of the post, I think I am about to go too far afield and I'm tired! :P

Archetypes

I recently read through some of my past fiction stories and noticed that each of my heroes shared certain characteristics. The newer the writing the more defined these characteristics became.

I had not even realized that I was basing each character off the other. I thought I was coming up with something original.

And then I remembered that my favorite authors have done the same. I had read some of their early writings before they wrote the series that launched them, some free pieces, etc and saw that the heros all shared similarity. From physical features, past histories, skills and personalities.

And that with each writing the character had developed. I hadn't really liked their earlier books, but they were okay, just not complete yet.

It is like writers create a mold for their characters and constantly chisel at it until it is complete. then they can pour the story into it.

Similar to when artists make sketches of possible characters or scenery and refine that image or build on it until the final product.

Archetypes, gotta love em.

Judging a Book

How often have you been told not to judge a book by its' cover? Or variations on that theme.

"Oh you shouldn't judge a person on their appearance or their pasts!"

Sorry to say but I do judge a book by its cover. If the cover does not appeal in some way I will not stop to take a closer look.

Which I believe carries over to people as well. How often have you dismissed a person based on their appearance or actively avoided them? How about based on their voice? Behavior?

What else do we have to judge a person on the first meeting than the surface?

I believe that of course you can't tell everything about a person from a glance. But I believe in listening to my gut. If something tells me to stay away from a person I will, especially if there is no one else around.

Also I believe you can train yourself to be able to get an incredibly good read on a person from just looking at their face. I am not trained in Face Reading, but I know it exists and from what I've seen of it, it seems to be pretty freakishly accurate. Also eye-reading, iridology can diagnose disease or health problems.

Your face records your life, from smiles to frowns, from thoughts to braindead (at the moment I can't think of the opposite of thought. Ha!) Also health, how is the skin? Does it glow? Is it pale? Dry? Lined? Scarred? Acne?

Generally people don't think why they react to people, but I think there is an unconscious process within us that categorizes all these and other features with different personality/behavior/health types. And when you have an instinctive reaction to a person this is your subconscious informing you of what it has observed.

Have you ever seen a person, that looks perfectly normal, just like an everyday average Joe and felt the urge to turn and run, and not stop running until you were safe and at home?

You get that feeling, I'd recommend following it.

In a lot of police reports you'll read about how a person felt uneasy or had a "bad feeling" about something or the person that attacked them and decided to ignore it.

Instinct is there for a reason. The reason we judge is there for a reason.

Of course some people are better at it than others, some are more aware, some are less.

But I think we can all teach ourselves to be more aware of the processes that are behind our judgments. 

Ramblings 16: Drinking

I have been drinking and since I was on the metro I started thinking about the differences in my mind when I am drunk versus sober.

I have concluded that I am a surface thinker when not-sober. It has the feeling that I am only skimming the top of my thoughts and that their is a labyrinth beneath that I cannot access, blocked by a barrier created by alcohol.

It takes serious effort to get through the wall to even feel that I am getting even a semblance of my normal level of thinking.

It will be interesting to read this post when I am totally sober. Also I am more prone to spelling error or wrong word choice when I have been drinking. I am doing a lot of backspacing.

I guess people drink to get away from their thoughts, as my friend and I both believe it is to forget, to not think about their own lives that they drink.

Though I find some affects of alcohol enjoyable, I will never include it into my regular habits. Because frankly I have so much more fun sober, and sober fun stays clear and true in memory and saves you a freaking headache the next morning.

Ramblings 14: Something

I'm drawing a blank today. So I am going to type until something pops in my head.

Why is it my best ideas come to me when I am on the move? When I am running, on a bus or a train?

I wonder if somehow you get put in a trancelike state that allows your mind to wonder and ponder freely when you are on the move.

I guess it also goes for when you are on your bed staring up at the ceiling or at a wall.

Ever just stare? Let your mind go empty and quiet, let all the tension just pour out of you?

Do you meditate at all? How do you meditate? Do you do breathing exercises, physical actions, staring? Listen to music?

I'm sure there is at least more than one way to do it. 

Getting your thoughts to be still. Completely still is incredibly difficult. Something seems to always want to encroach on the silence that you are trying to form.

I think it comes about best when you aren't trying to achieve it.

Breathe without listening to your breathing. Look inside and out and balance yourself between the points.

I don't sounds kind of cool though.

I've done it a few times. But sometimes it feels like there is no time. But the times I have done it I have had such greater mental clarity afterwards...

O look I actually came up with something in less than three lines.

Ramblings 12: Want & Need

I believe the field of Psychology gave us a great disservice when it went and tied itself to marketing.

Through psychology the marketing system was able to shift our preception of WANT in to NEED.

Humans need only a few things to survive, water, food, shelter and as a species sex. You can also add that we need contact with others, this is tied to our mental health. A baby will die if it is not touched, it does not matter if you feed it and shelter it.

Today people believe they need a new car, a new house, new shoes, a new game and new hairstyle or something immaterial.

People drive themselves crazy for things they believe they need, but only in fact want.

People no longer look to themselves to fulfill their needs. So many look without to define themselves. Like somehow a new car will make you loved by all and accepted.

I'm not saying I am immune to this. I'm not saying we do not need money.

In fact today we need money, we can't get food, water or shelter without it. But using money to buy things so that you can be loved or to better define yourself...

You look at magazines, at TV, at what your neighbor does and compare. Will you be liked if you buy that handbag? Get that new iPod, will you be hip and accepted?

Well yes, but not for you, just that empty shell that is composed entirely of the material.

I think it is sad that our selves are defined not by us but by what we own, the country we are from, the job we have, and the neighborhood we are from.

We are defined now by Society. Many have lost their central selves, and let others tell them what to be.

You are told you can not be a leader, you can not come up with a better way of doing something, that you will get no where, that you are defined by what you own.

What are you when everything is stripped away?

Shouldn't we be more than the sum of our material possessions?

How often have you thought "someone else will do it". How often do you shift responsibility on to another and not take action? Do you not take action because you believe from the very start that you cannot succeed?

I think a lot of our world is a lot of talking and very little action. We seem to be puppets to the ones that do.

It is funny in writing, the biggest point is to SHOW, not tell. Don't tell me, SHOW me.

And yeah, I am also a person that has talked and not put what I said into action. Things I should have, because I believed someone else could do it better. That what I do would have no effect.

But really, everything you do impacts something else.

Don't tell me, show me.



***See this is ramblings, I started with talking about want and need and somehow started talking about taking up action in what you believe in. Go figure! It was fun to write though!

Ramblings 11: Sleep

Sleep is a wonderful invention.

It just happens to be a bit inconvenient at times. Like take right now for instance. For some reason I can barely keep my eyes open. It's not even dark outside. I had a full nights sleep but still my eyes are sagging and my head just keeps knodding off to sleep.

I am losing time people!

So I decided to blog about and see if it helps me wake up a bit.

And why is it when you are absolutely dead tired, and just get your head on the pillow that you can't sleep at all?

What special qualities are required that you can just fall instantly asleep? Well I know you can train for it. But why is it sometimes after say 24hours awake that you can't get to sleep the instant you lie down?

And others when you feel awake you can just close your eyes and fly off to the magical land of rainbows and dancing bunnies?

Okay, I don't dream about that but I think it's a funny picture.

Frankly I don't think we should attempt to regulate sleep. I recall a study in which they put people into a room with no clocks or windows. Or any method of telling what time it was. They found after a few days that people naturally take one longer rest and a nap or two. Naps usually took place after eatting.

Did you know you can burn all your calories sleeping, if you are at your optimum weight? That is if you sleep well.

And did you know drinking alcohol reduced the length and number of REM cycles? That means you don't process the information of the previous day.

Also having less REM cycles than natural leaves a person sleepy and feeling unrested.

You can even train and acquire new skills in dreams?

Hm, I think this is helping me wake up a little.

Rambling Comments: Replies and Reactions

First thing I want to say is that I think it is a pile of awesome, yes a pile of awesome, that my friends that read this blog actually call me up to talk about it! Nothing pleases me more as a writer, other than the act of writing, is that my writing actually speaks to the person. People message me, call me and email me saying “you remember that post…?”

Anyway thanks to all those that read it, it really makes my day!

Now since we are on the subject, just today a friend messaged me and told me about his reaction to my post Single Vs Multi.

*By the way message me again if I have any of this wrong!*

He has been living in Hong Kong for the past year, and apparently after reading my post (apologies if I have this a little off, but the conversation wasn’t saved L) realized that there was a difference. He has lived now in both Canada and Hong Kong and says that people from a single culture don’t seem to have a certain openness to experience, and seem to lack some kind of perspective.

 He continued to observe also that; People from multicultural backgrounds seem to be able to accept new things more easily. And also that sometimes he feels like an alien, (like standing outside and looking in through a window).

Anyway it was an interesting conversation and I probably garbled it up a bit, but I thought it was great that my posting struck a chord with someone.

 

And last note, another friend of mine called me up yesterday just to tell me that my Sunday post made her laugh, and that she loved the line about how my brain goes on a holiday on the weekends.

I seriously love it when someone can relate to a post or causes a strong reaction. Ok so maybe I wouldn’t want someone yelling and pissed off at me over a post. But even then that could be cool that they disagreed so strongly…

Anyway back to giving the appearance of work!

 

Ramblings 6: Just how trapped in our heads are we?

A PWC colleague commented on my previous Ramblings 5 post about silence.

I think it got a little off topic though I can get the confusion.

Here's some parameters. Lets say that both people in the room are comfortable with silence. Comfortable with it alone and comfortable with it in a crowd (noisy or quiet).

So have let's say you are one of these people, have you ever felt that faint pressure that someone wants your attention, felt that faint tension, had a niggling feeling that someone just spoke to you?

Have you ever had that where you go "Did you say something?" When in fact it was all silence.

What if someone did say something, but not verbally.

They have conducted experiments where they have a person face a wall and have people sit behind him. They then direct the people to focus or not focus on the person in front of them.

More than chance, the person sitting facing the wall can guess that someone is focusing on him/her and not only that some of them can give the position of the person.

So maybe, that pressure you feel in the room that tension is when two people wish to communicate, are trying desperately to do so without words...

And what about when you are with someone you know well and can finish their sentence or know what they will say before they say it?

Of course you could say these are all from non-verbal cues, or previous conversations.  But what if it isn't?

How about those times when you pick up to call a friend just to have your phone ring and it be your friend. And let's say that is a friend you haven't spoken to in weeks, months or even years?

Maybe we just are that connected... or maybe it's coincidence.

Ramblings 5: Quiet Thoughts

What is it that makes a quiet comfortable? Why are some moments tense and others not?

Ever sit in a room with some one, and neither of you can see the other but there is this tension. Something unsettling about the quiet. Leaves you edgy and twitching in your seat. Nervously glancing around.

Is it just you or does the other person have this reaction as well? Maybe the other person is the cause of the reaction. Maybe there is some psychic cue nudging you between the eyes.

Or maybe you are just really bad at comfortable silence. But then why is it perfectly comfortable with others...

Maybe it is all you and you are just tense or eager to say something and that makes you think the feeling is mutual.

But how many times have you broken that silence, or someone else has, by a word or a sudden noise and both of you laugh or one of you says "I was just waiting for you to say something!"

Ramblings: Expectations

A friend of mine, (who will most likely grin very soon upon reading this) told me once that you form a vision/goal in your mind. The more precise you are the more likely you will get it.

For instance you want a boyfriend? Well visualize in your mind’s eye what he will be like. Just interested in personality and you don’t care what he looks like? That’s ok. But you can go so far as to describe hair and eye color, and height.

The problem is if you are either to broad or too precise. Rarely do we really know what we want right off the bat. Like in my previous post you need some experience. 

This isn’t just for getting girl friends or boyfriends, it can work for jobs, goals, etc.

Being too precise might leave you feeling the same kind of dissatisfaction as being too broad. Let’s stick to the boyfriend example. You want a guy who is, let’s say an artist. 

Ok, so now you got him, except he is an artist into the extreme, constantly absorbed in his work, it is his life. Well, oops maybe you wanted a guy a bit more balanced than that. So you add that you want him to be sensitive and appreciative you. You can see how any qualities you want need to be balanced.

In the idea for a job hunt, I thought to myself I want a job where I can write. Well I got it but then I was bored as hell since I didn’t get to write creatively, I didn’t get to use my mind at all.

Be specific… just not too specific.

Now on to a slightly different point.

I have come to the realization in the past couple of years after hearing this, is that you can pretty much get anything you want.

By the way, this is pretty much the secret in The Secret book. Visualize and work towards it. 

I have found it is best not to set goals very far, live in the present live in the now. Decide how you are, what you want. Do it for real. 

Essentially you could think I believe in Fate, or Destiny or whatever, however I am more inclined that we shape it. We shape our futures, we shape our present.

There isn’t any other time than our natural time.

I always remember the day I stopped wearing a watch, stopped letting it completely dictate my life. (A little hard to do at work). People are always in a rush, saying they don’t have time, they are too busy, etc. I felt like I had removed a shackle… ah on this later I think.

Focus, focus, focus!

That’s it actually focus in what you want, what you are. I visualize at times that I’m in this massive interconnected web, I like to think of it as a neuron web, not like spider webs. 

Once I decide on something, I start tweaking the strings, unconsciously, consciously and even psychickly. 

And then usually in a few days, longest really was a year, I get what I set out to get. From abstract goals to material, there really is no limit.

I think I will have to go more into this later once I have thought about it more… I miss key points or they do not even occur until after…

Ah we will see.