Relationships

When is it too much?

I seem to be coming across a recent theme in clingy relationships.

I have been getting texts, calls and emails about wanting advice to improbe a relationship. From brand new ones to decade old.

I really don't know why everyone comes to me! I try to help, but I'm not you/them, I can't see all your past experiences, all I can offer is a new look at what they view as an insurmountable obstacle. Generally it is smaller than they think... other times not so much.

There current theme of neediness. I am frequently hearing "Oh, I can't live without him/her" I think my life will just stop! Oh maybe I should break it off right now so it won't hurt more! etc etc etc

And as some of you know or have figured out I tend to be practical and logical about certain things. Also I refuse to go into a relationship where the person I am with is "the air I breathe". Maybe I am a little cynical after having to deal with giving advice so often in these relationships.

But I am not a dramatic person, nor am I excessively emotional generally (or so I think... am I wrong?)

Yes I want a person that can make me happier, that can show me new things and open different worlds for me. But I don't want to loose me. I could become more. But I don't want to stop being me. Make sense?

I want a partner, not a crutch or life support system.

Oh, I like that.

But anyway the usual problem in all the relationships I hear about is lack of COMMUNICATION.

Oh, sure you nod your heads and go, but I do talk to him or her! He/She doesn't listen.

Here's the thing men and women talk different. Men are generally more about showing instead of telling. Women tend to be more verbal. When a woman has a problem she tells her man and he gives her a solution, but that isn't what she wants, she just wants a shoulder to cry on.

Most guys don't want to listen to women as they talk on about things that are unimportant.

Women see this as the men not caring about them. But most guys, wouldn't be with you in the first place if they didn't feel something for you. Vice versa by the way.

But of course most of us are so screwed up that you might just be with a person for security or that you don't want to be alone, etc etc.

Now communication is key, you have to figure out how to do it. You have to be open and honest and not try to manipulate, control or for godsakes CHANGE your partner.

You can NOT change a person unless they themselves want to change. 

Anyway talk with, not AT.

If you tell yourself he/she wouldn't care, wouldn't understand or any tens of thousands of excuses then you are either;

A) Not communicating properly

B) In a relationship you should not be in, in the first place!

I like helping people I do, but I am not a counsellor, psychiatrist, psychologist or in any way a professional.

So why is it that everyone seems to come to me? From strangers to colleagues to friends?

It's not like I have been in thousands of relationships and have tons of experience or something... really I don't! Get that smirk off your face, I'm not lying! 

Do I make sense? I'm losing track.

Okay my little rant is over.

DISCLAIMER: Don't get me wrong, I like when people talk to me or I get to talk to them about problems. But when every where you look the problem has the same root... and all you ever hear about is the solution... 

enjoy your emotions, 

don't drown in them